


Not a Bomb, Nor a Knife

by XetterYeonma (keusenon)



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Child Neglect, Domestic Violence, Gen, M/M, Sexual Abuse (vague)
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-10-22
Updated: 2017-08-24
Packaged: 2018-02-22 03:12:45
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 20
Words: 22,185
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2492342
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/keusenon/pseuds/XetterYeonma
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Who's the one making a crying face all the time?<br/>Fight back as much as you were being laughed at<br/>Before much time had past, what I had held up<br/>Was neither a bomb nor a knife</p><p>--How To Sekai Seifuku--<br/>----<br/><b>[Warning] This fanfiction deals with the subject of abuse. Please be aware that any sort of abuse(physical, emotional, sexual, etc) is never acceptable. This fanfiction will not by any means have any intentions to excuse abuse nor support it. It was purely made by the author for personal reasons and does not mean any harm to anyone through this work of fiction(made from fiction). If you are being abused, please contact the police or reach out for a helpline.</b><br/>An alternate universe in which Kenma and Kageyama live with abusive families.<br/><br/></p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Prologue

                An empty house, an empty heart.

                Rain that falls onto the cold windows of the darkness inside.

                Similarities unseen, differences bursting in colour as a result.

                Words like daggers and eyes of judgement

                Those created two of a sad life style that became the norm

                Left with only words that cannot hide their scars, their tears

                Left with nothing but themselves

               

"I wish they'd stop."

"I'd wish they shut up."

**I wish they'd loved me.**

                Thus begins the tales of two

                An encounter ruined but then mended again

                A boy of hidden eyes and hazy days

                A prince of unwanted crowns and betrayal

A crow                                                                                  and                                                           A cat

                What kind of bond will they gain

                What will they lose

                Only time will tell

                Let us begin....

 

                The story of Kageyama Tobio

                                    And Kozume Kenma


	2. 5 - Starting Point

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Doing so, like this, I gradually come to hate the morning  
> Everyone is, that’s right - they’re all self-centered
> 
> \--Goodbye, Rock'n'Roll--
> 
> \----
> 
> And thus, we open the pages to Kenma's life. Let us begin.

                It was sometime in the early days of summer, the threat of typhoons and heavy rain upon Tokyo dangling over the region like a ticking timebomb of water. Today was no exception, grey clouds looming overhead and not a sign of sunlight to be seen. Luckily, it was expected to be a light drizzle of there was even any rain to come in the following week. However, there was still a chance of heavy rain if the situation decided to change.

It's going to rain tomorrow, that's for sure.

                It was still fairly early in the morning when Kenma left for school, joined by Kuroo who barged into his room in the morning again. If it weren't for the bedhaired male, Kenma would probably just stay home and sleep all day with the occasional video game here and there.  With a drawn out yawn, the fake-blonde began staggering towards the school with Kuroo, who also seemed just as tired as his younger friend.

"Oi, Kenma. You should at least get out of bed yourself."

"Don't wanna.."

"You always say that."

                Kuroo nudged Kenma, teasing him about his habit of not wanting to do anything. It wasn't that he didn't want to do anything, but just the thought of being exhausted just didn't work well with the setter. Oh well, like it mattered that much. Being lazy was fine with Kenma. Or at least doing low activity things.

                A few minutes later, they reached the train station that'll take them to Nekoma. Kenma hated crowded places, since he almost stuck out like sore thumb, with his pudding-like hair after all. Luckily, Kuroo gathered more attention from how tall he was(as well as his crazy bedhair). They boarded the train and soon it took off for its' destinations.

                It was as crowded as ever, and once again, they'll be standing rather than sitting. It seemed to be emptier during the afternoons anyways. The mornings were the most crowded during the day, not counting the lunch hour though. Kenma looked around the train again. There were a few more people with masks on today. Since it was the rainy season, someone might catch a cold if they ever got themselves wet from the atmosphere going on.

"Oh yeah, we're having a training camp with Karasuno before school's out for the summer. Looks like you get to see the shorty again before the summer camp."

"Ah, really?" Kenma looked at Kuroo, wondering when he arranged that with the other team. Then again, it was Kuroo after all. The taller teen merely smirked, like he was proud of himself. Then again, he always had that grin whenever there was something good going on.

"Yup~ Just a step closer to the Battle of the Trash Dump, huh?"

"Ugh, it sounds embarrassing when you say it out loud..."

\-----

                They arrived at the school, students pooling out of the train and to the direction of the school. Most of the students brought a umbrella with them, hanging them from their wrists as they entered the school building and leaving them in the bin near the door. Kenma wondered if he should've brought one too, but it was likely that there wasn't going to be any rain in the first place.

                He waved goodbye to Kuroo, who made his way to his class as Kenma did with his. They weren't that far from each other, but it was still a bit nerve-wracking whenever Kenma was alone. It was nice to be in solitude, but whenever there was a large amount of people nearby... It just made him feel a lot more nervous than he needed to.

                Kenma took his seat, watching as the other students pulled in with their noisy chatter. He sat at the back, which was a lucky chance, so he was sometimes forced to hear the gossip and sometimes even gloating about whatever luck came their way. Some of the girls would even talk about Kuroo or the other 3rd years in sports, which often annoyed Kenma because he heard pretty much every single combination of adoration at this point. Oh well, it wasn't like he could do anything about it, at least not without people looking at him differently.

"Ugh, my parents are the WORST!"

"What'd they do, Midorima?"

"They took away my phone after talking with my girlfriend last night! They said that I'll snap my neck if I use my phone a lot."

"Man, you need to shut up about your girlfriend! You haven't even fucked her yet."

"But you gotta admit, Midorima has a really hot girlfriend."

"Yeah! Lucky you, Mido-chan~!"

"Oi, shut it! I'm glad she's in another class."

"Heh, unlucky you though. At least my parents aren't that strict."

"That's because you have good grades!"

                The fake-blonde soon tuned out his classmates and started doodling on his notebook, ignoring everyone around. Eventually, he pulled out his phone and started playing an app game to pass the time. The teacher was a bit late today, judging by the fact that it's almost time for school to begin. The other students didn't seem to mind, using this to their advantage and talking in their group of friends. Even then, so many of the students had mindless chatter about whatever seemed funny to them. It was like they were machines with lacking spare parts like bolts and screws for their minds, monochrome puppets in school uniforms and a symphony of grey talk that only showed a thin lining of colours.

He hated how they just loved boasting about sorrow, like it was an empty price tag on a TV screen.

                Time passed as slowly as honey dripping down a spoon, like the world had slowed down just to make the classroom be free of lectures and learning. It was almost like Kenma couldn't see the tomorrow that would eventually come. Each day was supposedly unpredictable, but that wasn't true in the slightest, was it? Rain, snow, fog, sunny. Happiness, sorrow, guilt, anger.

Accomplices and traitors. Constants and variables.

\----

                It was finally the lunch period. The students collectively sighed of relief as the teacher left with the bell. Everyone grabbed their lunchboxes and money, making their way to the vendor for bread and whatever else they sold that day. Kenma put everything away into his bag, getting out his lunch and going to a place to eat alone. He bumped into Kuroo, who invites him to the clubroom for the lunch. It was going to be just them, but being alone with Kuroo was fine. He didn't feel like he was constantly judged or looked at improperly.

Kuroo was a beacon, that's for sure.

                They reached the clubroom and entered the empty space, Kuroo gladly sitting near the wall while Kenma sat in diagonal of the wall. With a yawn and a stretch, Kuroo made himself comfortable by lying down on the floor like it was a bed.

"It's already this close to summer, huh? You looking forward to summer vacation, Kenma?"

"Not really. It's-"

" _'Too hot for me.'_ I know, I know. Was just wondering if you would say something different this year." Kuroo joked around, having that familiar grin again. "I guess I'm happier than you are about it then. There was a few letters in my desk again, all covered in hearts and stuff like that. At least I won't have to deal with that during the summer, right?"

"You're cruel." He remarked sarcastically, biting into his lunch with a neutral expression.

"C'mon, Kenma. I don't mean it like that. They're nice girls, for sure, but meh. Not really looking for a girlfriend right now. Maybe when I join college, I'll find a girl there." The captain sighed with a dreamy tone, which sounded more like he was mocking the situation rather than being sincere with it. "What about you? You find any cute girls that you like?"

He shrugs.

"No. I don't want to be in a relationship. I don't feel that way to anyone."

                It was obviously a topic that Kenma avoided a lot. People always pestered him about the topic, trying to get some kind of information out of him. Obviously, Kenma hated that kind of attention on him and always tried to find an excuse not to get involved with the conversation. He just never found the excitement in romance or all that. Or rather, he just didn't have the kind of heartbeat that made him lovesick or anything like that. He just assumed that he didn't feel anything romantic to anyone. Maybe that'll change, maybe it won't. Kuroo shrugged, seeing that Kenma didn't want to talk about it further. "Alright. Fair enough."

                And just like that, their lunch period was spent with idle chat. It was mostly Kuroo talking while Kenma would say a comment or a remark here and there, but it was fine. They were friends, close ones at that. Kenma and Kuroo held a trust together from growing up together, so it was a no brainer that they could confide in each other easily.

However, not all things can be told as easily as it may seem. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Managed to write this after coming home from school. I won't guarantee that I will be able to post as fast as this, but I will do my best to write as much as I can.
> 
> Please comment and critique, thank you for reading.


	3. 9 - Education

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "Morality can just die"  
> I kicked a can of cola  
> "This is what youth is"  
> How many times have I heard this line?
> 
> \---Re Education---
> 
> \-------
> 
> We begin Tobio's story, starting this chapter. Please enjoy.

            Again, the solitude that often greeted Kageyama in the morning was there once more. The dreams he often had that night were almost nonexistent, but that never bothered him. With a grunt and a stretch, the setter got out of bed and started to get ready before going to school. Kageyama threw on his school uniform and stuffed his volleyball clothes into his bag, walking down the stairs and eating a somewhat bland breakfast.

Cooked rice and water again, with the complimentary bread, of course.

            Kageyama saw the note on the fridge as he ate his breakfast in silence, paying it no attention as he continued eating without much of an expression plastered on his face. It was always like this. Once a month, a note on the fridge and a sigh of indifference.

 

Went to Dubai for work. Be back in few weeks.

            Be safe, Tobio.

                        ---Dad.

 

Finishing up the boring breakfast, he left the note hanging uselessly by the fridge and made his way to school. Closing the door behind him, he began yet another day.

That’s what youth is.

How many times has he heard that line before…?

 

\---

 

            The dull, grey afternoon sky was the same as the morning, lunch just about ending soon. Kageyama was taking his stride back to his classroom, throwing out the empty juice box into a trashcan nearby before entering the somewhat empty classroom. Taking his seat that was by the window near the front, he looked out the window as he heard the same people boast about their fortunes.

“My dad came back yesterday for my birthday and we ate cake together! We’re thinking of eating mackerel today after school.”

“My mom said that we might go to Hawaii this year! I can’t wait to get a tan and look so pretty when I come back!”

“Your parents keep making you guys spoiled! All mine do is scold me about my homework and sometimes take me fishing with my cousins.”

             _At least they’re around._

            Kageyama put his head on the desk as the teacher came in and began their lecture. Slowly, he started falling asleep again, the teacher droning on and on as he faded into a quiet slumber. He didn’t know why he felt so exhausted, but it was probably because of the dullness of the classroom with the combination of the grey skies.

It was almost summer, and not a sunray to greet him.

 

\---

 

            With a rude awakening of the school bell, Kageyama woke up from the lecture and say everyone else leave the classroom with sighs of relief and babble of their after school activities. At least it meant that Kageyama can go and practice volleyball until it was dark out. That was one of the only things that he looked forward to school.

            Just as he was about to leave for volleyball practice, his phone buzzed with the default tone. Kageyama took it out of his bag, reading over the text message from their captain, Daichi.

\---Because of the thunderstorm that’s happening right now, practice is cancelled. Sorry, everyone.

            Kageyama was already by the gym when he finished reading the text message. With a frustrated huff, Kageyama shoved his phone into his bag and turned the other way, making his way to the entrance before bumping into Sugawara.

“Ah, Kageyama-kun! Sorry about canceling practice, the weather’s really bad this week, huh?” The ashen haired teen sighed looking a bit apologetic. “Sorry, I gotta run. I’ll see you tomorrow though, okay?” With out a second to spare to hear Kageyama, Sugawara patted Kageyama on the shoulder and made his way to his other destination.

            By now, most of the students already went home and the ones sticking around were mostly teachers and student council. Kageyama felt a bit out of place, but he didn’t really care. He just wanted to get home, maybe sleep for a bit, and then be done with the day. He had homework, but he could do that some other time. He just felt too exhausted to even care.

            The moment he stepped out of the school grounds, the first drip of water that was greeting Kageyama with a low rumble of the clouds hit the floor. The drip was soon joined by ten others, then hundred, then a thousand----to the point where it was impossible to count the amount of raindrops hitting the floor.

            This was the one day that Kageyama didn’t bring an umbrella either. He meant to bring it, but he forgot about it and called himself out on it. In a bit of internal anger, Kageyama just walked in the rain, nothing but his bag to keep him warm. Even then, it didn’t do much against the showering rain and the threat of lightning above.

            It took much longer for him to get home, with the roads being filled of cars and the streets almost drowning in a sea of rain. He took almost half an hour longer to get home, being absolutely soaked in rain water and out in the somewhat cold air for far too long. It was almost a miracle that he managed to get home before he was a total mess of drenched clothes and a bad temper.

            Throwing his bag into the floor near the door, Kageyama tried to shake off the water on him before stepping another foot into his house. He already felt himself getting a runny nose from how long he was out in the rain. With a small reminder to always bring an umbrella for this week, the setter went upstairs and threw on some dry clothes, throwing his uniform into the laundry to dry.

            Grabbing a towel, he dried off his hair before falling onto the couch in the living room, the towel still on his damp hair. With a lazy attempt to grab the remote, Kageyama turned on the TV to the sport channels before turning the TV off, deciding that there was nothing to really watch on TV anymore. Why did they even have a TV in the first place?

            Time passed, and Kageyama’s stomach growled at him to make food. He didn’t want to eat a copy of his breakfast, so he just settled to making instant noodles for dinner. It wasn’t the greatest thing to eat for his body, but cooking was out of the question. He was horrible at it, and he didn’t want to risk his house burning down.

            In five minutes, the raven-haired setter was eating his instant noodles while watching videos on his phone, wanting time to pass before he had to go to bed. He ignored texts and calls on his phone, not wanting to really communicate with anyone at the moment.

Especially not his parents.

            The videos helped, sometimes. The game show he was watching was one of the funniest shows that ever aired in this day and age. It was from a neighboring country, but the subtitles allowed him to understand what was going on. If the contents of the new episode were funny enough, it could even get a low chuckle or at least a smile on Kageyama’s face. It made him seem normal, made him seem just like a normal kid with a normal life.

            If he was just happy enough like this, with his team, with volleyball, then the gnawing loneliness that ate at him would eventually die off into where it came from. Though, that wasn’t enough for him. It was never enough.

There was always a voice that cried out for help of tomorrow, but it was always blocked out by the walls of secret solitude that Kageyama built up in his head.

            It was dark out now, the moon hiding behind the rain that pouring down on Miyagi. Throwing out the cup and putting the chopsticks in the sink, Kageyama went upstairs and fell onto his bed. No goodnights, no sleep tights. Not a kiss on the forehead, nor a tuck in from a mother or father.

Yeah, that’s right. It was always been like this.

            To Kageyama, this was fine. This kind of loneliness that wasn’t going to be healed, not even if the world tried to show him some sort of company. The volleyball team was the closest thing he had to company, much less friends. Sure, Tsukishima annoyed him. Sure, Hinata often made him act like a kid with a temper tantrum. Sure, everyone was different and strange…

But that’s what made him feel like everything was okay. That even though this isn’t the world Kageyama wished for, it was a world that was slowly brightening up. At least, that’s what he hoped for.

            Feeling a headache pound at his skull, a sudden chill through his spine, Kageyama curled up in his bed underneath the blankets that he wrapped himself in. He’ll probably catch a cold, since he didn’t even bother taking a warm shower nor bring an umbrella that day. The pitter patter of the rain that hit his window kept him up until his mind finally succumbed to exhaustion, letting Kageyama’s mind wander into what seemed to be dreams. Or at least, what seemed like a dream.

He’ll just repeat the same routine, over and over again. He’ll go to Karasuno, ignore his classmates, do somewhat poorly in class and then practice volleyball. On Saturdays, he’ll go straight to volleyball practice and practice until the sun went down. On Sundays, he’ll force himself do homework even though he’ll just do badly.

Nothing has changed. Not a bit.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This will be the last chapter I will be posting this week. Next chapter will be posted some time next week or the week after.
> 
> Thank you, and please comment for critique.


	4. 5 - The Sidewalk

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "It's frustrating isn't it? Then just try over again"   
> I get it, I got it  
> But it's not like I have a choice 
> 
> \---Terminating the World---
> 
> The second chapter of Kenma's side of the story.

                The rainclouds miles away above Kenma threatened to bring upon a storm that could make many bedridden with sickness and the chills within an hour, signalling that rain and wind will come down upon Tokyo and have millions of people scurrying back into their homes like lost squirrels. With a dull coloured umbrella, Kenma walked to the train station alone and listened to the white noise of the raindrops slapping against the cement ground beneath his shoes.  Kuroo would be busy with meeting some of the captains of the other sport teams, so he wouldn't be able to walk home with Kenma today.

He won't be walking home with Kenma today.

                People around Kenma moved faster than light itself, but Kenma felt as if the blurs at his sides were nothing but faceless androids moving around at an everyday routine that never stopped and bothered them even for a moment. Either way, if they had no face, then Kenma wore a mask that was drilled into the skin of his face, never to be removed no matter what happened. Secrets had to be kept, after all. The catastrophe of having been exposed, the mere thought of it just made Kenma tremble in his mind and made him block out all thoughts in order to rid himself of such a thought.

                Boarding the train ride and being pushed forward by a sea of people gathering inside the vehicle, Kenma went on and stayed as silent as if someone had cut off his tongue since birth and made him unable to make a sound even if he wanted to. Of course, someone like Kenma would have loathed to make even the slightest of noise in the public eye. Just having to have someone make a judgement on him solely because of a few moments made him wished that he could just disappear into darkness and remain there for as long as he could because he could even think of leaving and going out into the light where everyone can see him.

There was a small wave of relaxation when he left the train...but it began another ordeal that would soon come.

\----

                The step back into his room was more than just relaxation. It was a safe haven from the monster that lived outside of the small bedroom. A haven covered head to toe in Kenma's belongings. Some broken, some still functioning, some hidden away to avoid a fate of destruction. Rubbing his bruised arm, Kenma nearly crawled his way to his bed, pulling out a kit from out of a pillow case and started placing bandages and medicine where it hurt the most. Luckily, he could just cover it up with the excuse of receives if someone asked. Maybe then, people from outside the club would stop pestering him about being a bother on the team.

                He could hear a drunk man's ramblings and the slam of the front door follow suit, and then he felt like as if he could breathe again. The house felt like it held a suffocating atmosphere, as if a ribbon was too tight against his neck and chest every moment when he wasn't alone. When Kenma was the only living thing in his own home, then it was as if the house expanded and allowed enough room for Kenma to move around without touching the walls around him. Though he wasn't claustrophobic, the pain he faced everyday was more than enough to make him feel like gravity was slowly crushing him from inside and out.

                With arms and thighs wrapped by bandages and slathered with ointment, Kenma went back to being an ordinary boy and studying or playing games until the moon was at the highest point of the sky. You would think the bandages were just from sports or rough housing with other kids, but only if you didn't know Kenma at all. Then again, not even those who knew Kenma from childhood could find out about this even if they tried. Kenma was just that good at keeping secrets, or rather avoiding the subject in general. The noises of the game blocked out the noises in his head, the memories that resurfaced every second if he didn't kept his mind off it. The controls and buttons made him forget about the stinging pains and twisting heart in his chest, making it bearable and almost non-existent. That's just how Kenma had been living every day, and he didn't object once. Not out loud at least.

                Kenma looked back at his phone's screensaver, the glowing sign of **[02:35午後]** was basically signalling him to go to sleep. In all honesty, he didn't feel tired but he might as well go to sleep. No texts came to him anyways, so he didn't had to respond to anyone before getting ready for bed. With a quick rinse on his hair and a few grams of toothpaste used up for his teeth, Kenma quickly returned to his room and laid down onto the soft surface of his bed. Plugging his phone into the charger, just to make sure it was ready for tomorrow, Kenma curled up in a single blanket and an old pillow on his bed.

The moon shined on a single photo on his desk, a memory that Kenma wished stayed in the present.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm so sorry about not being able to update this in months. I've been discouraged from updating this fic as well ass having some issues in my personal life. But this gave me time to give the story more 'strength' as so to speak.
> 
> Thank you for your continued support, the next few chapters should be released every so often instead of making you wait for months.


	5. 9 - Repetition

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In the end it's clear and simple, everything is my fault  
> If that's so I wouldn't mind a whole life of solitude
> 
> \--Terminating the World--
> 
> The second chapter of Tobio's side of the story.
> 
> (Warning; this chapter mentions very vague abuse)

                Right outside of Kageyama's room was the sounds of arguements that escalated to shouts that overlap each other like stacks of paper falling from the sky. He couldn't help but curl up in the farthest corner his room could provide, his pillow and blanket acting as a weak barrier from the spiteful words outside in the hallways that echoed like a cliff's end. He wanted it to stop, to have a day where everything was alright and held nothing but a candlelight of hope and happiness like it was when he was younger and didn't have a thought about the negative points in life.

"I told you to get the hell out of my home!"

"Your home? He's my child too, or did you forget?!"

"You're the one who decided to have a child, not me. If it weren't for me, he would've been sold off onto an orphanage because of your attitude."

"You're not even a proper father. I know what you do with him when I'm not home."

"At least he prefers me over you. At least I give him some love when all you give him is hurt!"

"You call that love? What a JOKE!"

...Of course. It was about him.

It was always about him.

_It was because of me that they fight, isn't it._

                This only happened because he was born, because his parents didn't want anything with him because he wasn't someone normal. Someone to be proud of. Although they pretend to shower him in sweet words of unconditional love, it just wasn't the same if Kageyama could hear them complain and shout like that right outside his bedroom door. This only happened if they arrived home at the same time, if the entire family had the unfortunate luck of being together under the same roof.

                This could go on for hours on end, from dawn to dusk. They would shout and shout without stopping and it would only make Kageyama want to curl up and hope he doesn't wake up to them still screaming at each other in the morning. He needed to leave early, he needed to sleep, he needed to have just a night of calm to get himself ready to battle the day after today.

He needed some goddamn peace and quiet...and maybe something else.

* * *

"Kageyama-k-Wha! Hey, you okay?"

                The first person he meets that day when arriving at morning practice was Hinata Shouyou. A teammate...and perhaps a friend. Friend seemed too close, but Hinata was someone he could trust, right? Plus, Hinata was doing something a friend would do; worry and bother him.

"I'm fine."

                Kageyama yawns a bit, but his eyes looked more than just tired with the normal glare that was actually just a stare. He sounded more subdued than normal, almost like his voice was fading in and out of existence. That only made Hinata more persistent of making sure Kageyama was feeling better.

"Hey, did you stay up all night? That's unlike you."  
"I said I'm fine."  
"...Well, don't push yourself, Kageyama-kun! We need you for matches and I need you to toss to me!"  
"You have Sugawara-san to do that if I'm not."  
"It's not the same!"

                Soon, Kageyama could forget about last night and the night before. The moment where Hinata shifted his focus on just everyday things was the moment where he could really feel like a normal kid. Not a kid that's devoted his life to a sport, not a kid with a family that falls apart like a broken window.

...Just a high school kid with a wonderful team, with great teammates.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And that concludes the most recent update of this time for this fic. Hopefully I can write the next few chapters before summer vacation ends! Thank you for supporting my works and I can't wait for you all to read the rest of this story.


	6. 5 - A Muddy Path

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dear you, the pretender, what is it you want to convey?  
> From the darkness you throw stones but that's not all is it?
> 
> \--Onchuu Anonymous/Dear Anonymous--
> 
> The third chapter of Kenma's story.

                Oddly, Kenma wasn't the type to wear headphones out in public. Nor was he the type to really block out sound that much. Today was different however. He felt as if the world itself would start screaming bloody murder until he had some sort of way to combat the silence that became noise to his ears. With music muffling sounds of the outside world, he sat next to the window with the breeze of a raining day brushing through his skin. Eyes closed and senses dulled, Kenma could relax for the day, even if it meant dealing with the horrors of tomorrow.

~~At this point, it didn't really matter. He had to face them whether or not he wanted to.~~

                The cold breeze crawled on Kenma's skin like a snake, but couldn't even muster a shiver on his spine. It was almost as if the wind was a blanket, shielding him from heating pains. In a way, it was as if Kenma couldn't be bothered by pain, a terrifying thought for a boy just starting to grow up. Being an adult just seemed like some sort of sick joke to Kenma, knowing only the dark sides of adulthood and facing anxiety and to an extent, disgust. It was the type of disgust that made your stomach sick and head hurt, the type that was different from smelling an unpleasant smell or seeing an unwanted person. It was almost painful to think about becoming an adult, someone that thought the world was theirs to manipulate.

~~To abuse their power on.~~

                When he opened his eyes, they were stuck to the door  in front of him. Having such a small room, there was nothing else to really look at other than a bed, a desk, a small CTR television, the floor and a few other belongings. If anything, the door was something Kenma had to pay attention to almost every day. Sometimes when it opened, he was greeted by Kuroo telling him to get up in the morning for practice or school. Sometimes, however, he was faced with a monster with the flesh of a human. Every time the door opened, he had to anticipate a demon or await a friend. Sometimes in the mornings, sometimes during the night.

~~It would have been better if there was nothing to look forward to from the damn junk of wood.~~

                Kenma's eyes looked at the date glowing on his phone screen, thinking over the routine of the current day. Though it wasn't a school day, the volleyball club wasn't having a meeting today. It was raining, so Kenma didn't want to go outside(it's not like Kenma wanted to go outside in the first place without a reason). Kuroo would probably arrive soon enough, but he probably wouldn't if he was busy with studying or a captain's meet up with the other sports teams with the teachers and coaches. Ruling a lot of events that normally happen there was only a few left for him to really think about. Among those few, there was a handful Kenma could only hope to never see. He can only hope, but he couldn't prevent it. With his phone in his hands, he decided to try and text Kuroo or Hinata.

                His thumb hovered over the messaging app before a message popped up from Hinata. This raised a bit of suspicion since he thought Karasuno would be having a practice(Hinata wouldn't stop talking about his schedule. Probably so that he didn't forget somehow.), but maybe this was a good thing. He can afford to have a bit of texting between each other. Opening the app, Kenma's eyes skimmed over the text before taking a closer look.

_[From;Shouyou]_

_[hey kenma! i have a question to ask you]_

                Kenma looked at the message for a few moments, wondering why Hinata didn't just say what his question was.

**[from;Kenma]**

**[Sure, what is it.]**

                Barely a minute passes before Kenma gets another message from Hinata.

_[From;Shouyou]_

_[kageyama wants to know your number so he can text you! is that alright with you??]_

                Kageyama. The name didn't really ring any bells until a few minutes later until he remembered what Hinata described him as the first time they met. A scary guy who goes "gyaaah" ...or something like that. Kenma had the opportunity to meet Kageyama, if you could count running away from him when he wasn't even near him or interacting with him as a type of 'meeting'.

**[from;Kenma]**

**[How come he wants it?]**

_[From;Shouyou]_

_[he just got curious i think? kageyama's kind of hard to figure out, but i think he probably wants to be your friend!!]_

**[from;Kenma]**

**[Why not just let him use your phone sometimes.]**

_[From;Shouyou]_

_[no way! kageyama has his own phone and he'll probably hog it.]_

                There really was no way around it after all. With an inaudible, inner sigh, Kenma finally decided to give in. He just hope he didn't need to block the guy from his phone or get a new phone number. Typing his agreement to it, he put his phone on the ground and decided to stand up, looking out the open window before deciding to close it. He didn't need rain coming in through his window and covering his room in unwanted puddles.

                Though he gave Hinata the OK to give Kageyama his phone number, he really couldn't help but wonder what kind of person Kageyama is. The way Hinata put it in a few of his texts, he really didn't seem like a bad person. Still, he didn't really know much about the raven haired setter as much as Karasuno does, so not knowing enough about Kageyama just gave him a bit of a bad time. It was a bit of a ridiculous thing to be worried about but it was just one way Kenma thought.

Besides, he's slightly afraid of what could be judgement from Kageyama.

_[From; Unknown Sender]_

_[Is this the setter from Nekoma?]_


	7. 9 - Circulation

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Even the sky trips despite it’s greatness  
> I was blown away  
> If it’s like this, even if it’s like this  
> I think it’s okay
> 
> \--Datsugoku--
> 
> The third chapter of Kageyama's story.

                Chewing on fingernails, ripping out hair, screaming into a pillow, banging your fists onto a hard surface----Kageyama identified these things as inner anxiety. However, he never felt as if he was driven(or even instinctively thought about doing any of these) to act like that. Rather, he had his own way of showing some sort of anxious behaviour. Staring at the flashing screen of his phone, he couldn't help but wonder what was going on in the other side of the conversation. It was his own fault for feeling this way, of course. Kageyama never really knew how to approach someone, and nor did he ever had to rely on someone to make the starting point for him so he could follow the trail laid out for him. It was new to him, something that he actually needed help doing.

                Sitting at his desk, hands interlocking fingers and forehead resting upon them, he couldn't take his eyes off the screen as if the moment he did, any messages would just disappear or cease to exist. It wasn't really the case, but he felt as if he had to absolutely pay attention to not seem rude or of the sort. The person he wanted to talk to was a senior, though only by barely a single year of difference in their age and grade. Having adapted to a slight behaviour change in relying on his seniors at school and begun showing more outwards respect rather than inner respect, he had to apply it to even seniors that were only a year apart from him. It was respectful but at times it was merely just awkward when his senior didn't really mind Kageyama being casual with them. It was difficult to know who to be casual with and who to be formal with when dealing with this kind of thing, so he took the route of being somewhat casual with people his age who he knew somewhat well and being respectful when speaking to seniors.

                In any case, Kageyama kept staring at the phone screen, hoping for some sort of response. He hope he hadn't been too rude or too awkward, but he didn't have an idea how to really act normal enough to the other setter. He wasn't the type to initiate conversation, mostly just speaking if he was addressed to or if he needed something. The only reason why he's doing it is because Hinata recommended he was the one to say something first, especially since Kageyama was the one interested in the first place. It was more so because he wanted to know more about the setter in an athletic sense rather than a friendly sense. However, it turned out Hinata took it for Kageyama looking for friends to talk to and now he ended up in this situation.

                Somehow, Kageyama didn't seem to really care. As long as he gets to talk to the other setter, he doesn't really have much of anything else to need from him. That was just the type of person Kageyama was. He was also the type of person to almost freak out when his phone just rang out in a loud noise, breaking the silence he was surrounded by. It definitely did frighten him, mostly because it felt like a drum next to his ears more than anything. However, then he was filled with some sort of emotion in his heart. It was like his anticipation was met, but he didn't need to relax until after reading the message on the screen of his phone.

_[From; Nekoma Setter]_

_[Yeah, I'm the setter. I'm Kenma. Your name is Kageyama, right?]_

                Seeing the se-Kenma remember his name just made him a little bit more confused, which was replace with the feeling of slight cheerfulness. It was a nice gesture, since Kageyama was taught that remembering someone's name is a good social sign. It was normal for many people, but for someone like Kageyama it was a kind and friendly gesture. Probably. Picking up his phone, he begun to type a message for what seems like almost an hour.

**[From; Kageyama]**

**[My name is Kageyama Tobio, I'm a first year in Karasuno and my jersey number is 9. I wanted to know your number so I can ask about your training methods and how you practice in Nekoma. Do you have some sort of special practices or ...]**

                The message went even longer and longer the more questions Kageyama put into it. He didn't think about how he should keep it short, just merely typing as if he was speaking. He was usually was not as talkative as other boys his age but when it came to volleyball it was almost as if his mouth was a never-ending waterfall of words and questions. It just goes to show how much he absolutely adored the sport itself, but sometimes it turned out to be some sort of a bother to some people. However, he couldn't really see that cue of annoyance from people as easily.

                Ending the message with yet another question, Kageyama finally entered the SEND button, wondering how long it would take for Kenma to respond. Maybe he had to wait until tomorrow for Kenma's answer, but he wanted to know right away so he can start matching Nekoma's abilities on the court with Karasuno. It was all he could really think about, though he wondered why this would be the way he would ask. He could definitely ask the leader of Nekoma's volleyball team, but it just felt like a new level of interaction that differed from talking to someone like Oikawa Tooru.

                Just as Kageyama was about to put his phone away to start his daily routine, he received a message from Kenma. Hoping it was answers to his questions, he immediately opened up and was immediately confused by the lack of words in the message. In fact, it was almost 4% of the total words Kageyama had previously put into his message to Kenma. He wasn't disappointed as much as he was confused, but a new feeling of anticipation washed over the confusion in an instant.

_[From;Kenma-san]_

_[Can you just call me instead? Writing everything out would just take too long.]_

                With a feeling of what could rival determination, Kageyama pressed the CALL button before he could think of a message to write instead.


	8. 5 - The Side of the Road

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Just an instant of piled up moments  
> Makes my chest feels like it’s being stabbed; It’s the season of painful dream
> 
> \--Love Letter of the Brilliance of Cherry Blossoms—
> 
> The fourth chapter of Kenma’s story.

              The summer days began approaching, with April and May whisking past like petals in the wind. As the second year begun as it did, Kenma did not expect to make acquaintance with not one, but two first years of Karasuno High School. Specifically, Hinata Shouyou and Kageyama Tobio. Hinata was somewhat of a special case and they instantly became friends and built up their bonds from there. Kageyama was something of a tyrant of strange occurrences. Unlike the social butterfly personality Hinata seemed to harbour with an aura of joy, Kageyama’s was a boy filled with awkwardness and lack of social awareness. It wasn’t a bad thing, since it just made Kageyama who he was.

In a sense, Kenma was almost attracted to those two by their unpredictability and actions.

             A month has passed since Hinata had introduced the two of them by texts, and it was not quite the best way for them to develop. Kenma was slightly uneasy around Kageyama, there was no denial about that, and Kageyama was often too direct or too vague. They eventually got used to each other’s personalities and worked some sort of system subconsciously, which lead to them being surprisingly good friends. Kageyama would leave large messages after school and after practice to Kenma, in which Kenma just texted back in short answers so that Kageyama would know that he read them. This kind of system worked well for the both of them, since it met both their needs by each others’ standards.

              Today, the same routine followed through its’ usual schedule. Kuroo walks in and wakes him up for school, they walk to the train station, get to school that way. Though, recently the routine was changed slightly, a message popping up on the screen of Kenma’s phone.

**[From; Tobio]**

**[Kenma-san, Good morning.]**

              Kenma only took a few seconds to read the message before responding.

_[From; Kenma]_

_[Morning]_

              “Talking to that setter kid again?” Kuroo looked over, but backed off when Kenma hunched over his phone. Kuroo already knew about Kenma’s new friend, and didn’t tease Kenma much about it. That didn’t stop him from giving Kenma a little nudge about it.

“We just said good morning.”

“He’s pretty punctual, I’ll give him that. Every morning at this time, he’d send you a text. Surprised you haven’t gotten annoyed by that.”

“Yeah.”

              A buzz from his phone confirmed that Kageyama sent him another text message, in which Kenma started already replying too. Kuroo couldn’t help but smile a little, seeing someone who was so opposed to mingling with people socializing with someone else. By his own hands, no less. It gave some sort of relief to Kuroo, a slight stone in his heart being lifted.

“You seem more, hm… excited this morning, huh~” Kuroo smirked, leaning onto Kenma a little and nudging him with his shoulder before leaning back.

“No, I don’t.” Kenma pouted a little, hunching over his phone.

“Yeah, you do. See? Your eyes are wide open.”

“No, they’re not.”

“They are.”

“They aren’t.”

“They are~”

“…They aren’t.”

\----

              The gears of routine began turning, with school being the same as ever. Practice was also the same, with Coach Nekomata sticking to formula of what the team has been building up that kept the team strong until now. There was not much change since the morning, which could be better than nothing.

              With the day ending and practice over, it was pretty much dark outside when they all finally got to the clubroom to change. Shibayama and Inuoka are talking excitedly amongst each other, Yamamoto was again being annoyingly loud with Yaku or Kuroo telling him to be quiet----it was almost like a comedy show that focused on the team.

Still, Kenma liked this kind of thing. It reminded him that it was still possible to have a good life when----

              “Oi, Kenma. Do you want to stop by the convenience store? I’ll buy you that apple pie~” Kuroo cooed, trying to get Kenma to move faster so they can get home quicker.

              Kenma’s train of thought basically crashed into a wall when Kuroo chimed in, directed towards him. The others seem busy either goofing off or standing around, so it was really just them talking among themselves.

“Didn’t you say those things will make me more lazy?”

“Hm, maybe. But once in a while is fine.” Kuroo smiled, putting on the school uniform and shoving the jersey into his bag. “I got something to get there, so might as well by something for you since we’re on our way there anyways.”

Once everyone was changed and out of there, Kuroo closed the door and locked it. With the idle chatter soon dispersing as everyone went their parted ways back home, Kuroo and Kenma began their walk back to the train station with the convenience store stop in mind. There was another buzzing in Kenma’s pocket, possibly either from Kageyama or Hinata.

“Go ahead, we’re almost there.” Kuroo patted Kenma’s back, obscured by his backpack.

[From; Shouyou]

[hey kenma! we just finished practice!! we’re definitely getting better every day]

              Kenma looked over the message again before responding in no time at all.

[From; Kenma]

[I kinda would think so.]

“Whoa, Kenma!”

              As soon as Kenma pressed the SEND button, the collar of his shirt and vest was pulled back and pressed firmly against his neck. For a split second, a feeling similar to rope burn and choking curled itself around his throat like a cat’s claw before the pressure released itself, letting Kenma breathe. Kuroo had managed to get Kenma to stop walking just before he ran into a telephone pole, possibly preventing Kenma from getting a headache from impact and falling back.

However, it just caused something else to occur. Spiraling into a dark place with crashes and shouts ringing through his ears----

\----And then he couldn’t breathe.


	9. 9 - Abomination

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I’m clinging onto the end rolls, today too  
> Alone, while clinging onto something I breathe, tomorrow too
> 
> \--Scenery, Indulge in Summer--
> 
> The fourth chapter of Tobio’s story.

              Kageyama stared out the window, unable to pay attention to the lectures that the other students were set on writing notes to. All around him were the scratching of lead on pieces of paper, with the monotone voice of the teacher dragging on. It was almost like a tape recorder relayed to a bunch of kids who will write just whatever they needed to just so that they seem smart.

              Time to time, he will actually pay attention in class to just copy down what the teacher was saying. Rather than writing down what seemed important, he just copied down everything written on the board or said by the teacher. It just felt like mundane work, but students did that anyways because they wanted to be successful in this desperate society of work that continues until you die.

              Through the boring times during classes was something Kageyama can usually endure for the end of the day. Through the written work and boring lessons were something that got his heart pumping and his mind sharper than the edge of a needle.

Volleyball.

              Time ticked by as classes came and went, and soon it was almost time for school to end and for clubs to begin. His hands itched for the moment of being able to touch the ball, whether it was for tossing, spiking, serving or receiving.

              With anticipation rising up in his body like a wave, soon the time when school ended has arrived and Kageyama just had barely enough self restrain to stop from running out of the classroom like a madman. Once he was out of the class, with his school supplies jangling around in his bag, he almost hurried over to the clubroom to get his school uniform off and gym clothes on.

              Hinata wasn’t too far from having the same idea as Kageyama though. The orange haired first year was practically stuck in the door with Kageyama trying to get in, but then came Daichi. Soon enough, everyone was able to get dressed and have yet another rigorous training from their coach.

Ah, this was the time that Kageyama loved the most.

\----

“Kageyama-kun, you seem happier!”

“Hah?”

“Well, you’ve been-hey, no! I didn’t mean it like that! Geeh!!”

              Kageyama and Hinata began horsing around in the clubroom, more specifically it would be Hinata commenting on something that causes Kageyama to react either hilariously or extremely.

              It only took a few minutes to have Sugawara keep those two apart from each other long enough for the situation to die down before it got anywhere near the point of seriousness.  Though right after that, it felt like nothing had happened at all.

“So, Kageyama-kun, have you been talking with Kenma lately?”

“No.”

“Really? That’s not what Kenma told me!” Hinata looked at Kageyama in disbelief for a moment, an eyebrow rising as he spoke.

“That’s because we text unless Kenma-san tells me to.”

              Hinata merely stared at Kageyama for a moment before smiling, which lead to him laughing a little and lightly tapping Kageyama on the shoulder. “That’s still the same thing, Kageyama-kun!”

“No it’s not!”

“Yes, it is! It’s just a different way of talking!”

“You talk with your mouth, not text!”

“It’s still communication!”

“..Hmph!”

              Hinata won that argument, and Kageyama was fine with admitting that he did. Still, days like these are what give Kageyama’s life a little bit of a brighter glow around the aura of volleyball that he loved so much. It made him want to continue this kind of moment forever, since he wouldn’t have to think about the unimportant things.

“I’m gonna text him real quick.”

Or rather, the things he wants to deem unimportant.

\----

              “Hey, Kageyama-kun. Tomorrow is the first weekend we have that doesn’t have practice.” Hinata spoke up as they started walking by themselves, readying to separate once the path asks them to. Kageyama merely looked back, looking almost half-absent from the conversation.

“…What?”

“Jeez, weren’t you paying attention?”

“I was.”

              Hinata stopped in his tracks, letting his bicycle lean against him for a moment to cross his arms. “Coach said it a while back, saying there was something going on this week? He didn’t really give details but Daichi-san, Suga-san and Asahi-san seemed to know something.”

“…I see.” Was all Kageyama said before walking ahead, almost leaving Hinata behind.

“…Hey! I thought you might be a bit more vocal about it!” Hinata ran up to him, the tires of his bicycle hitting against the asphalt rapidly. “C’mon, what’s with that quiet reaction?”

“Dunno.”

“…Is your head okay, Kageyama-kun?”

“It’s fine enough that I don’t need you to comment on it!”

              Despite the harsh comeback, Hinata still smiled. Kageyama didn’t understand why, since most people would usually be responding back just as harshly, but Hinata was just as friendly as ever.

“Well, if you can still shout and act like that then I guess you haven’t changed.”

              Just like that, the conversation was as lively as ever before they parted ways, not properly meeting again until the school started again after the weekend. Hinata waved with an extended arm before jumping onto his bike and rushing off to his home. Kageyama waved back, before turning back to the street that will eventually lead to his house.

A house that was not a home.

\----

“To-bi-o! There you are.”

              The condescending tone in her voice was as apparent as ever. Kageyama avoided eye contact with her, which only made her even more angry than before for not doing so.

“Tobio, what is this? Your teacher had to call me about…about your horrid grades! Honestly, it’s like you don’t even listen to me when I tell you to do better.”

              Oh joy. His mother decided to lecture him about his academics. Kageyama was already aware that he was horrible at academics, especially literature.  He didn’t know why, it just blended together and all the ‘symbolism’ and complexity was lost to him completely.

“Maybe it’s your father’s stupidity that you inherited that makes you like this. Ugh, and honestly, cut your hair! It’s too messy and looks like you cut it with a damn knife.” She brought a hand up to his bangs and plucked a few hairs out to prove her point, which it didn’t. Kageyama flinched and moved back, only to be moved around by his mother mere seconds later.

“You’re an utter disgrace, it’s like everything wants me to suffer just for giving birth to a defect.”

Defect. Of course.

“So, where’s your father? I need to talk to him, as much as he pisses me off..”

“…Dubai.”

              She stopped in her tracks, looking back at Kageyama with eyes full of disgust and a lip curled up in what could be a sneer.

“Excuse me? What about Dubai?”

“…He’s in Dubai.”

“Of course! ‘Business trip’ my ass. He never tells me and leaves me with all the damn work when he can’t handle it.”

              The woman stormed into the kitchen, practically ripping through cupboards and tossing instant food and a can of soda onto the table. Looking it over, she almost shrugged before walking off, not even so much as bump into Kageyama, who was standing at the doorway when she went on a tangent.

“I’m going out, Tobio. If I cook you anything, you’re just going to say ‘it’s not smooth’ or whatever. Just eat some convenient store food and a can of soda. Kids your age love that stuff so consider it a privilege.”

              With a flick of her wrist towards Kageyama, she walked towards the door and slipped on a pair of black shining heels, reflecting the pounds of make-up on her face. Without even turning to face her son, the woman opened the door and closed it behind her.

Without a goodbye, neither an insult even, Kageyama was left with an empty house that laughed at his lonely life.


	10. 5 - Rocky Road

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> We'll show you the finest nightmare  
> You won't be able to see anything else
> 
> \--Melody in the Dark—
> 
> The fifth chapter of Kenma’s story.
> 
> [Warning: This chapter contains semi-detailed implications of physical violence and alcoholism.]

“….ma….ey…..ar…..”

An ever spiralling darkness, his mind falling back to memories.

“He…! Do…”

The smell of alcohol, clogging every sense like a think blanket.

“Ken...! Ope….!!”

Air stabbing through his neck like a thousand knives.

“Kenma!”

              Kenma opened his eyes, gasping as he was brought back to reality. He found himself on the concrete floor, with only a pair of hands keeping him from making contact with the unforgiving stone pavement below him. He felt no pressure on his neck again, but he felt the gaze of upmost worry from the one who had caught him just as he lost his composure and breath.

              Kuroo sighed of relief, hugging Kenma tightly as he brought the setter back onto his feet, looking as if he had seen Kenma get hit by a truck and be flowed thirty feet away from impact.

“Dammit… Don’t scare me like that. Are you okay? You just kind of freaked out after I pulled on your collar.”

              The explanation did near nothing to give Kenma an idea of what just happened, only that his head hurt and so did his neck. Having a hand on his neck to rub the spot, Kenma let out a soft sigh as he averted his eyes from the taller make’s gaze. He had no explanation to give, even if he wanted to.

“I’m fine… It’s just kind of tight.”

              Kenma noticed the way Kuroo furrowed his eyebrows together, a sign that the older male was not convinced but somehow, didn’t know when to give up when it comes to the concern for his safety.

“…You sure? You just started shaking and everything. I’ve never seen that happen to you.”

“It’s nothing, Kuro. Let’s just go home.” The snap of his voice clearly was out of place, but the conversation needed to end before Kenma would regret some of his actions. That definitely made the older male pull back, rubbing the back of his neck and sighing. He wasn’t happy with it, but he wasn’t the one to make Kenma genuinely upset or unnerved.

              The walk back home was awkward and silent, with only goodbyes being exchanged between them once they reached the separation point. Kuroo left with a reassuring smile, as if to say ‘I’m here for you’ in his own way. Kenma knew, ever since they were children, but even that wasn’t enough to break the barriers that locked him from the world.

That night, those barriers only tightened.

~~~~

* * *

 

“You useless-!”

              A drunken fist came flying right into Kenma’s face, landing where his right eye was and making the boy fly back into the wall, the back of his head hitting the wall and creating a small dent. The stench of alcohol wafted around him, mocking him as if to say ‘you deserved this’ or ‘you can never escape’ as he held back the cries, not wanting to make the monster of a man in front of him more angered than he already was.

              When Kenma had thought the torment would end, a foot came to confirm that Kenma won’t be able to escape. His arms covered his neck and head, the foot of his father’s colliding with his arms and the vulnerable spots of his sides and stomach. He couldn’t beg for him to stop, knowing for a long time that it was futile to have the man listen to him, even for something harmless and innocent. He was on his best behaviour, or at least he tried to be, wanting to avoid all the anger and drunken desires that his father forced on him.

* * *

 

_Summer was his favourite. It was too hot to function at times but there was usually something to combat against that at times. The air conditioning helped at home, a cold glass of a homemade recipe beverage on the table waiting for him when he came out of his room._

_A softly smile with a gentle hand caressed his cheeks, words halting as the lips moved. It was as if a puppeteer had forgotten his lines, making the lips move without a script to speak out, no voice to be shared._

_The image was blurred, but the smile on her lips was as clear as the sea._

* * *

 

“You’re absolutely disgusting; I wish you died with your mother when you had the chance!”

Another foot, a bruise darkening around his arm and torso. The stripping of his rights as his son, his own child, spewing out pure hatred and pain towards Kenma. The setter held in his voice, biting down on his lip to the point of it piercing the skin and feeling the taste of copper in his mouth.

              The rhythm of the beatings were like a twisted song, the lyrics full of hate and mockery towards Kenma as if it was written for a jester who failed to create laughter. Breathing wasn’t possible without it getting kicked out of his chest without any second thought. When he thought he didn’t felt a foot raining down on him, it was either a blunt object or a fist, or maybe even a sake bottle if the man in front of him decided to do the deed hastily.

Either way, it wouldn’t matter. Pain was pain, he couldn’t stop it.

* * *

 

              He was thrown into his room, bag and his jersey following and landing against his body. With empty eyes, he stared blankly against the walls of his room as he heard his father spit venom for another few minutes. The hand that threw him into the solitude of his own room soon came to the door closing, which was music to Kenma’s ears, meaning that he was going to be left alone for the rest of the night. He lay uselessly against the floor, shaking as he held himself up and tried to sit up on his elbows.

              He touched his arms, his thighs, his torso----every place where he felt each blow. It was going to be hard to hide them all, and even harder to explain the one that showed on his face. The moonlight that shone from his window was hard to see properly, as if Kenma was blinded on the right side of his body. It stung badly but there was nothing else he could do than to cover up his secrets again for the thousandth time in his life.

              The secret foundation hidden in his room, the bandages that covered his thighs and shoulders were always hidden as well----Kenma was a boy of a thousand secrets with no holes in his defense system. Not even Kuroo, the friend who stayed by his side all these years, had been given a ticket to enter his heart like this. It wasn’t due distrust, there was no way.

It was because this was a burden that he had to take on alone.


	11. 9 - Fluctuation

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> If the character “human” means to support each other  
> What is the me who cannot even believe in myself  
> Supposed to cling onto?
> 
> \--Berserk--
> 
> The fifth chapter in Tobio’s story.

              Homework was waiting for Kageyama to do, the raven-haired male staring at the pages of partially empty notebooks. English, literature, sciences, mathematics----All were piled onto the wooden plank of a desk on the far side of the room. The nagging woman’s voice rang in his mind, yelling at him to do better and to be a better person. It made him scrunch up his facial expression, even he knowing that she was being absolutely hypocritical.

He never hated her though. He couldn’t.

              He was a sort of latchkey child, but that was somewhat of a stretch. Spending long hours abandoned in his own home, waiting for his mother to return with a strange man or from her work every day since the day he was born---it stopped being sad and it became a routine. His father was a different matter, but he thought highly of the man despite not seeing him as often.

              Kageyama’s hand picked up the pencil, forcing himself to at least do a little bit of everything just so that his mother wouldn’t yell at him again as well as his teachers’ scolding voices at him joining in with the group of voices that somewhat motivated him in a negative sense about his grades. All he wanted to do was play volleyball instead, and he knew that his grades were holding him back from being able to do that.

English was difficult; he couldn’t translate the words properly.

Literature was harder; the kanji blended together and he couldn’t distinguish the definitions.

Science was a bit easier; he still couldn’t understand the concept of how the formulas function though.

Mathematics for this unit was the easiest out of all of them; though only the angles and shapes came up as volleyball terminology visuals.

              An hour passed as he studied like any other student, albeit less than other students and a lot worse than other students, before he threw the notebooks and pencils back into his bag. Once it was cleared, he stripped of himself of his school uniform and donned onto his pajamas, blue tint in colour with the fabric being soft and smooth.

              Falling onto the bed and curling up within the blankets, Kageyama had no trouble running away from the world by using sleep as his weapon and scapegoat. _A child’s way of dealing with sorrow is to sleep_ , as a wise man would say. Despite Kageyama inching towards adulthood faster and faster with every day of his life in high school, he wasn’t just ready for that kind of thing. What he did look forward to was the freedom away from the shrieking voice of the woman in black.

* * *

 

_The man’s gentle hand pets him on the head, the blur of the atmosphere making the taller man the focus of his vision. Tobio blinked slowly once, and then twice. The blur never went away, the warm feeling surrounding him as the man sat close to him, speaking in a kind voice._

_“Tobio, you like volleyball, right?”_

_He felt his head nod at the question, the volleyball in his hand partially covered in dirt from him playing alone outside of the home._

_“Did you know that you can join a team when you go to elementary school? That’s exciting, isn’t it?”_

_He felt his head nod again._

_“I think you can be a great volleyball player some day, my son. For now, let’s go back inside…I made some curry again for dinner.”_

* * *

 

              The morning was rough yet again, Kageyama almost glad that he didn’t have to deal with morning practice when he woke up. Almost. He loved the sport too much to hate wanting to go to anything having to do with it, even if his mood and body weren’t up to par with it. The weather outside was cloudy but no rain, merely a gray colour in the quiet country town that rose with the sun.

              The routine started off like it normally did, Kageyama changing his clothes after brushing his teeth. His hair wasn’t much of a problem, the setter combing it with his hand a few times and making sure it was flat and unknotted before leaving the bathroom. He made sure his school supplies weren’t missing from his bag before picking it up, making his way down to the corridors to the kitchen. There was a strange smell of homecooked food, which threw Kageyama off a little as he peered inside.

              A man of somewhat tall stature and a lean figure stood there, humming as he wore a blue apron and begun making some quick Western breakfast with eggs. Kageyama blinked, rubbing his eyes for a moment. It was odd, very odd indeed.

After all, he wasn’t supposed to be back from Dubai until a week later.

* * *

 

“A regular in your team yet again? As expected from you, Tobio.”

              His father smiled, watching as his son ate homemade food for the first time in the couple weeks of just instant foods and convenience store-bought dinners. The wrinkles near his eyes showed as he squinted him with his soft smile, the dark hair that Kageyama inherited from dyed slightly with grey hairs.

“I made some more if you’re still hungry.  You’ve grown so tall, yet you still seem to be growing, haha.”

              Kageyama nodded, cheeks bloated with rice and eggs that were as fresh as morning dew as he finished his bowl and plate. His father already had been ready for the answer, giving Kageyama another helping of breakfast. He didn’t mind if Kageyama didn’t talk back as he ate, it was rude to speak with a mouth full of food after all.

“Surprised to see me home so soon? My group was sent back early since we managed to negotiate with the other company pretty quickly. Our work was done pretty swiftly as well, I must say. The newbie in my group was pretty talented, and he reminded me how talented you were in volleyball. It made me a little bit more homesick, but I’m glad I can see you again for a few days before I go back to working outside again.”

              The setter listened, paying somewhat of a distant concentration on the ramblings of his father. He was more occupied with the food rather than what his father was saying but he didn’t mind. It was nice to see his father. Even though the man was missing for periods of time in his life, he had nothing but memories of his father showing that he loved him. Both words and actions were regarded in a high stand point.

He couldn’t think of anything bad, per say. At least in his perspective.

“Oh, you’ll be late! Your high school is a little bit farther than the other schools, isn’t it? Finish up and get going. I’ll clean everything up.”

              The man rose, ruffling Kageyama’s hair before taking some of the dishes, placing them in the sink and beginning to wash them. Once Kageyama was finish stuffing his face and consuming the rest of his breakfast, he piled his plates and bowls together and placed them next to the sink.

“…Thanks for the food.” He spoke to him, bowing his head a little.

“Haha, don’t mind it. Just get to school before you’re late, okay? Can’t have you be late because of me.” He laughs, patting his son on the back and resting his hand on Kageyama’s shoulder for a little while before the setter left for school.

Somehow, the morning went from rough to cheerful in a matter of minutes.


	12. 5 - Roadblock

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> So she fell short, more and more  
> Thinking back to where she had made the mistake again can't find it so I'll roll on
> 
> \--Rolling Girl—
> 
> The sixth chapter in Kenma’s story.

              Kenma lay in bed, every inch of his body aching as if a knife had pierced his skin repeatedly. Although he had felt this way before, the aching pain never really went away fully between beatings. As it would seem, there was practice after school today. It had to be everyday, didn’t it?

              Groaning softly, he shook as he propped himself on the bed. He felt significantly weaker, as if his arms and legs were made of paper maché. He took deep breathes, shaking slightly as he tried to feel his body again to see where it hurt the most.

The damage was mainly on his arms and chest, Kenma taking in deep breathes to check to see if he had any broken ribs.

He was alright…for now.

              He got out of bed slowly, looking at the clock on his phone that read  [03:19午後] . It was enough time for him to get cleaned up for the day and think of more excuses. His right eye wasn’t opening properly, but he shrugged it off. He didn’t remember getting hit there, and it didn’t feel swollen at the moment. His other eye was acting similarly anyways.

              He lay down on the floor, twisting his hips and body to snap his body back into place. The cracking of his spine gave him a sense of relief before he moved onto his neck, cracking it sideways on both sides to straighten his neck. He sat up, pushing his chest forward and feeling the upper parts of his spine crackle into place.

No doubt there was pain, but it subsided as his body lack the tension that needed to make everything hurt after a while.

              He reached under his bed for his usual kit, slathering ointment on his arms and legs as well as his torso. The cold, viscous liquid didn’t feel as awkward as it used to, covering up bruises and signs of abuse with waterproof make-up. He only started using this in his first year, but already did they become somewhat of a routine that he excelled at.

It made Kuroo stop asking him about who was bullying him, but in turn it made his father hit more than just the unseen skin.

              Once the make-up and first aid was done, he patted down his clothes and made himself presentable to be able to go to school that day without anyone asking what happened to him. Once that was done, he grabbed his things and walked towards the kitchen.

              The smell of alcohol was gone, as it always was in the morning, and was replaced with the smell of soap and mouthwash. Kenma’s eyes looked towards the table, showing only a few 100 yen coins.

That was money for the only meal he would have for the day.

              He grabbed the coins and shoved them into his pocket, his stomach growling. His eyes trailed towards the fridge, a small box of ice that held multiple bottles of alcoholic beverages and food that Kenma disliked more than anything.

He wasn’t allowed to touch it.

              He frowned before ignoring the pains in his stomach, moving towards the front door and slipping his shoes on before rushing out of the door. The less time he could spend in that household that morning, the better.

“Yo, Kenma.”

              Kenma flinched, wondering why Kuroo was standing right in front of his house. Was it already the time of day when Kuroo would come to his house to wake him up? He remembered waking up pretty early, early enough to finish everything he needed to do without anyone seeing him leave his home.

“…Hey, Kuro.” Kenma murmured, digging into his pocket to bring out his phone and tap on it.

              Kenma felt Kuroo’s eyes staring deep into him, Kenma looking up a bit and looking slightly face-to-face with his year-older childhood friend.

“…What is it?” Kenma narrowed his eyes, still wondering why one of his eyes wouldn’t open all the way despite being nearly fully awake as he could be.

“What happened to your eye?”

              Kuroo spoke immediately after Kenma asked him that question, Kenma freezing up as he gripped tightly onto his phone before looking away.

“It’s no-“

“No, it’s not.” Kuroo frowned, reaching and grabbing Kenma by the shoulders. Kenma sucked in a breath, moving his head away.

He couldn’t feel how gentle Kuroo’s hands were.

“It’s not nothing, Kenma. What happened yesterday…that was bothering me all night.” Kuroo spoke in a slightly panicked tone. “What’s going on, Kenma? Is someone bullying you or something?”

“I-It’s not like that.” Kenma stuttered slightly, shaking. “Kuro, let go of me…”

His grip became tighter, the urgency in his voice rising as he spoke more and more.

“Kenma, please tell me what’s going on. This happened before and it’s happening again…”

“It’s nothing!”

              Kenma shouted, pushing Kuroo back with all the force he could before running back in his home, slamming it as hard as he could and the door. He slid down with his back to the door, shaking as he heard the door knocking with Kuroo’s muffled voice trying to speak to him.

“Kenma…! Talk to me! Kenma!”

“Just go away!” He shouts, slamming his fist multiple times against the door before curling up in a ball.

“I’m not leaving until you tell me what’s going on! I care about you so please…just tell me!”

              Kenma clenched his teeth before getting up and throwing his back across the corridor, unlocking the door and looking at Kuroo with a more than irritated expression.

“What’s going on is that you’re a damn pain in my ass! Just leave me alone and stop being a clingy prick just because you knew me when we were kids!”

              Kuroo took a step back from Kenma when he snapped at him, staring back at disbelief until Kenma slammed the door shut and curled up on the floor behind the door. Silence grew between them before Kuroo’s voice came from outside.

“…I’m sorry. I’ll see you later, okay?” Kuroo placed a hand on the door, pressing his forehead against it in defeat. “I won’t force you to talk about it… Just come to practice tonight at least, okay?”

“….” Kenma didn’t respond, not even with an annoyed pound against the door or floor responding back to Kuroo.

“…Bye.”

The way his voice held back emotion, it wasn’t like Kuroo to get upset whenever Kenma jeered at him. The sound of footsteps being quieter and quieter signalled that Kuroo left for school without Kenma.

* * *

 

_Bzzzt._

              Kenma stared at the wall of his room, dressed in unwashed clothes of a grey hoodie and black sweatpants. His mind was blank, filled with meaningless empty sounds that pushed away every lingering thought.

_Bzzzt. Bzzzzt._

              The image of Kuroo’s panicked eyes and loud words echoed in his head over and over, replaying the events like a broken CD player within the crevices of his mind.

What time was it?

_Bzzzt. Bzzzzt, bzzzzzt._

              The setter looked to his side, noticing that his phone had been vibrating for a while now. He frowned at the thought it could be one of his teammates, possibly Kuroo. Deciding just to see who was texting him, he read the sender.

**[From; Tobio]**

**[Kenma-san?]**


	13. 9 - Obliviation

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Love me. Love me. Love me, more and more. Love me. Love me, so much that it’s maddening.  
> It’s painful, it hurts. Undo undo the curse, okay? It can’t be stopped, ahh…
> 
> \--Love me, Love me, Love me—
> 
> The sixth chapter in Tobio’s story.  
> { Warning, this chapter has mentions of sexual abuse into the story. It is vaguely written, but if you are uncomfortable with the subject, do not read what is underneath the line. }

              Kageyama stared at his phone during his lunch break, wondering why Kenma hadn’t messaged him all day when he normally would. His frown turned darker before he sent another message, chewing on a sandwich from the cafeteria that he snagged just a while ago. Whether or not he was bothering Kenma, he didn’t know. He was just worried.

**[To;Kenma-san]**

**[Are you busy? Did something happen? Did you have morning practice today?]**

**[To;Kenma-san]**

**[Kenma-san?]**

              Just as Kageyama was about to send another flurry of texts that would last the entire lunch break, he received a text from Kenma. With bated breath, he read the text near hyper speed as he placed his sandwich on his desk.

_[From;Kenma-san]_

_[I got into a fight with Kuro.]_

              He froze for a moment. Just from the short time he was able to bond with Kenma, he could feel how important Kuroo was to Kenma. To think they had a disagreement, or even worse, Kageyama felt that Kenma could be in pain right now.

**[To;Kenma-san]**

**[What happened?]**

_[From;Kenma-san]_

_[You don’t need to know why it happened. It just did.]_

              The message came near instantaneously, Kageyama swallowing the lump in his throat. He thought it was going so well, but maybe Kenma just needed space. Even so, it hurt to see that Kenma didn’t want to tell him.

              Just as Kageyama was about to send a text to Kenma as a response, he received a message from his father.

[From;Father]

[Tobio. I had to leave for a bit because your mother is home. Be a good boy until I return tonight while she’s asleep, okay?]

              Kageyama almost dropped his phone when he read it. He knew exactly what his father meant, and he swallowed the lump in his throat that appeared again before sighing to himself, placing his phone to the side to lay his head on the table.

He loved his father and mother, despite knowing that he’s nothing but a nuisance. Even so, he still----

              When he realized that he almost forgot to message Kenma back, he grabbed his phone and began typing whatever was on his mind at the time instead of thinking about his words.

**[To;Kenma-san]**

**[Do you want to call tonight?]**

           He placed his phone on the table, waiting for a response to come up as he ate his sandwich. The message didn’t come until almost two minutes later.

_[From;Kenma-san]_

_[Okay. I’ll message you later tonight then.]_

**[To;Kenma-san]**

**[I might be a little busy tonight after practice, but let’s definitely call.]**

_[From;Kenma-san]_

_[Thanks, Tobio.]_

             Kageyama stared at the last message that Kenma sent to him for a moment, wondering why he was being thanked until the bell had rung. The setter quickly shoved the half-eaten sandwich into his mouth and put aside his phone and pulled up his notebook along with his scraped pencils and dark erasers.

* * *

 

              Kageyama ate the leftover rice that was inside the rice cooker as well as some chicken that dried up in a plate on the table before returning to his room, hearing the snores of his mother in her room before he entered his own room. He was already changed into his normal sleep attire, a light grey hoodie with sweatpants of a similar colour.

              He grabbed his Wilson volleyball, laying on his back and begun to practice the way his fingers move to the way the ball enters his hands. He does this often, his near barren bedroom only having a few outfits, a dumbbell or two and a desk as well as a pile of unread academic books leaning against his bed.

If anything, his room was the very definition of minimalism of the cruel standard.

              Time passed by until he heard the door to his room open, catching the ball in his hands and seeing the face of his own father.

“Oh, Tobio. Still awake?”

              The man smiled, approaching Kageyama after closing the door behind him. He sat beside Kageyama, brushing his hair back.

“Hm…you’ve grown considerably now that I have a better look at you. In time, you’ll be taller than me in my prime years.”

              His father begun rambling on for a moment, Kageyama nodding off slowly as listened to his father speak. He flinched when he felt a hand on his thigh, the man still smiling back at Kageyama.

“Well, I’m not here to talk your ear off.” The man kept smiling, Kageyama looking down and nodding his head. Despite the arguments his father had with mother about Kageyama himself…

It was times like this when he actually felt like he mattered, in a way.

“Stay quiet so that you don’t wake up your mother.


	14. 5 - An Icy Road

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> If I could have fun living, that would be nice, tho   
> Are there still stray cats somewhere on Earth, do you know?   
> I want to make a call to the future and ask you,   
> And whether there are or not, hear "No worries.", tho  
> \--Tho—
> 
> The seventh chapter in Kenma’s story.

 

              Kenma pressed his head against the door to his room, his entire body shivering as his very being had foolishly embraced the cold. He felt like scratching at his face and neck just to feel something other than the burning sensation that pierced his skin.

_“Stop resisting!”_

              He shivered, covering his face in his hands as he tried so hard to forget the feeling of suffocation of ice and hands. The slight difference of warmth in his hands to his face felt like fire, but he didn’t pull away. Air was stuck in his throat, refusing to let him breathe as sound and images clouded his mind.

_“This has to go away, got it? I can’t have people thinking I’m the bad guy here!”_

              His nails dug into his eyelids, threatening to dig in further. He absolutely hated how his father yelled at Kenma for not getting rid of his black eye. He hated how his father grabbed him by the hair and dragged him to the kitchen, the setter kicking his feet and trying to pull away as he heard the door to the refrigerator opening. Kenma knew what it meant when his father saw bruises on his visible body.

It meant that he was going to get the ice.

It was so cold.

             He moved his fingers to his eye, gently feeling it before rubbing it in circles. The swelling was chilled and Kenma could open his eye enough to be able to see. He crawled around his room, feeling around for his mirror in the darkness of his small room.

              He felt his fingers run across a slightly smooth surface, gently moving down and grabbing the plastic length of the mirror and held it up in the moonlight to reflect the light to his face.

              Aside from the redness around his eye, he looked almost normal enough. With just bits of foundation here and there, he could look as normal as everyone wanted him to be. That was all he could hope for, sighing and placing the mirror back where it was supposed to be; hidden beneath his bed.

              Tired of crawling, he tried to stand up before stumbling onto his bed and curling up in the fabric, staring at his phone. He turned the phone onto silent, but watched as messages piled up.

              A majority of them came from Yaku, Lev and even Yamamoto. Kenma scrolled through all of their messages, his expression never changing before coming across Kuroo’s name.

[No new messages]

              He stared at Kuroo’s name on his phone, cradling his phone in both hands before clenching his teeth, wanting to throw his phone across the room. He had no energy, but the thought was just so tempting to the point where he might’ve actually done it, had he not been nearly strangled to death by ice.

              Closing his eyes, he shoved the charging plug into the phone and turned away from his, shivering as he pulled at his hair and tried to warm up in the comfort of his old blanket. Taking deep breathes and covering his entire body from head to toe in his blanket helped keep him warm and slightly relaxed, but one thought never left his mind.

Why didn’t Kuroo message him?

              Kuroo was always the type to message him no matter what, but perhaps their fight from that morning caused a rift in their supposedly never ending friendship. He remembered the first time Kuroo spoke with him, remembering how much he hated leaving the home but did so anyways. The thought that Kuroo’s smile never changed even from such a young age would normally bring people a smile and a feeling of pure happiness from it.

Kenma just saw it as shards of a broken mirror.

              Instinctively, Kenma turned around and grabbed his phone, deciding to play a game on it before his phone silently rang with a new message from someone.

Kageyama Tobio.

**[from; Tobio]**

**[Kenma-san. Sorry for the delay. Can we call now?]**

              Kenma let out a soft sigh, wondering if Kageyama knew somehow that Kenma was silently suffering in the isolation of his room. In any case, whatever Kenma did at that moment, he wouldn’t feel anything, not even regrets.

“…Hey.”

              Kenma had been the one to press the call button first, responding when he heard Kageyama pick up from the other side. His voice, as always, was tender and timid, as quiet as he could be so that only Kageyama could hear him.

[“Are you feeling okay, Kenma-san?”]

              He frowned, sitting up and hunching over his bundle of blankets.

“I’m fine, Tobio. I just didn’t feel well.”

[“…I see.”]

“…”

              The two of them went silent for a while, but Kenma noticed something strange about Kageyama’s tone. It was as if he was out of breathe, his voice slightly raspy. He could even hear his breathing from the phone, which was heavier than usual.

“Did you push yourself at practice, Tobio?”

Silence again, but then came speech.

[“No, I was doing just fine.”]

              Kenma recognized that sort of tone, though it was different from how he would normally identify it with.

“…Hey, Tobio. I never asked this but..” He sighed, leaning back and closing his eyes. “…Do you like your dad?”

[“….”]

              Kenma could hear the swallowing of Kageyama’s throat as there was some faint ruffling of bedsheets and blankets in the background, presumably Kageyama moving around on his bed. Did Kageyama wear t-shirts and shorts to bed?

“Tobio?” Kenma asked again, hearing Kageyama’s voice once more.

[“I do.”]

              Kageyama said it almost robotically, as if he were programmed to say such a thing. Kenma gripped tightly on his phone, letting out a huge sigh before rolling to his side.

“Do you really like him?”

[“…Of course I do.”] There was a pause when Kenma asked him that question, and another pause after that.

Kenma needed to push a bit, he knew that much.

“I don’t like my own dad.”

              Those words, he’d never say them out loud. When people asked about his father, he would say that he’s at least grateful he has one. However, he always hated him from the bottom of his heart. Those words of praise he would say to others about his father; they were all lies his father forced on him.

[“Why not?’]

              There was a bit of a confused tone in Kageyama’s voice. Kenma didn’t want to say it in detail, and he knew that Kageyama wouldn’t share secrets----or even act upon them.

So unlike Kuroo.

“Because he hurts me. A lot.”

              Kenma spoke through his teeth, glaring at his wall before relaxing. It felt oddly strange to admit what he was subjected to during a drunken rage from his father. Kenma couldn’t hear anything from Kageyama’s end, but widened his eyes when he heard what Kageyama said next.

[“My mother and father do too.”]


	15. 9 - Initiation

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Wandering child of the earth   
> Do you know just how much you're worth?   
> You have walked this path since your birth   
> You were destined for more   
> \--Wanderer’s Lullaby—
> 
> The seventh chapter of Tobio’s story.  
> { Warning; this chapter holds both Kageyama and Kenma speaking to each other about their abuse, which means their interpretation of the abuse they endure will be written in dialogue. Take caution when reading. }

[“…What?”]

              Kageyama spoke without thinking once again, shaking his head before speaking back to Kenma.

“N-Nothing.” He stuttered, itching to scratch his hand and legs. “Parents sometimes hurt their children, right?”

[“…No, Tobio. That’s… Both of your parents hurt you?”]

              Kageyama couldn’t quite put a finger on the way Kenma was speaking. He thought it was merely concern, but since Kenma had said that his father was causing him some sort of pain, he thought that it might something to do with it.

[“Tobio.”] Kenma spoke when the silence got too much. [“Uhm… Does your dad ever hit you?”]

“No, he doesn’t.” He spoke the truth, bringing his knees to his chest.

              Silence once again, Kageyama hearing Kenma sigh out again. Kageyama was curled up in his blankets in his bed, phone against his ear as he waited for Kenma to speak again.

[“I won’t tell anyone if you tell me what your parents do to you. In exchange…I tell you what my dad does.”]

              What ulterior motive Kenma had, Kageyama had no idea. Even so, Kageyama decided to agree. Kenma was the type to be trustworthy of when it truly mattered, that much he understood from their ever-growing friendship. Besides, Kenma lived all the way in Nerima, Tokyo whilst Kageyama stayed in the Miyagi prefecture. Unlike his teammates, Kenma lived far away and thus it meant that if he found out, there was little Kenma could really do.

“…Okay, Kenma-san.” He spoke in a quiet tone, closing his eyes before opening them again.

[“You go first. I’m listening.”]

              Kageyama took a deep breath, knowing that talking about it was something he never done before.

“My mother…I think she likes to think I don’t exist sometimes. She wouldn’t come home or pay attention to me, and usually feeds me instant noodles from the convenience store nearby. She always tells me to get better at school too, and yells at me for the weirdest things, like my hair.”

              Instinctively, Kageyama brushes his hair back. He recounts the actions that she does that made him feel not as happy as he would’ve been if things were different, talking in pauses.

“My father…he’s different.” He spoke in a different tone than he did when he spoke of his mother. “He’s nice to me, but sometimes…it hurts when he tells me to stay quiet.” Kageyama didn’t say anything past that.

[“…Tobio, does he tell you to keep it a secret and that it’s a type of game?”] Kenma’s voice was unwavering, but closely enough, you could hear the disgust in his voice towards Kageyama’s family.

“…Yeah, how did you know?”

              Kageyama was surprised how Kenma know those little details, hearing the sigh beyond the telephone wire before he heard Kenma’s voice again.

[“Do me a favor and tell him you don’t want him to touch you or play the game anymore.”]

              Kenma’s tone was a bit strict, different from how he usually is. Kageyama swallowed the lump in his throat, trying to speak before Kenma cut in.

[“Trust me, okay? Just…just trust me.”]

“…” Kageyama was slightly skeptical but agreed. “Okay…I trust you.”

[“Good… Now it’s my turn.”]

              Kageyama went silent, sitting up and rubbing his chest a bit. He didn’t know why, but the feeling of dirtiness came into his mind. The way Kenma told him that he shouldn’t let his father do that to him, it reminded him of a time long passed by.

[“…After my mom passed away, he started taking out his anger on me. Not to mention he drinks his liver to death a lot, making it a lot worse when he starts throwing punches and other crap at me.”]

“That’s…” Kageyama began before being interrupted by Kenma.

[“Bad? Yeah. I know. There’s nothing I can do about it, though.”]

              Kageyama heard the sorrowful sigh in Kenma’s voice, curling his hand into the slightly damp bedsheets. It was really warm.

“…Kenma-san, do you want to live with me instead?”

The sound of choking from the other hand answered his question.

“Our house is big, and it’s away from your fa-“ Kageyama began his reasoning until Kenma had stopped him.

[“No, I can’t. It’s…a lot more complicated than that.”]

“How complicated?”

[“As complicated as…”] Kenma hummed for a moment, thinking to himself before speaking again. [“…as explaining a 6-2 offense to someone who’s playing volleyball for the first time in their life.”]

“I see…” He seemed to understand that reference. “What should we do then, Kenma-san?”

[“…I dunno. I mean… We can just hang in there until graduation, right? After that, it’s freedom…”]

              Kenma had trailed off, presumably deep in thought. Kageyama waited for Kenma to speak before he spoke himself.

“Can we live together then?”

              There was a scoff from the other end, the sound of ruffling blankets in the background telling Kageyama that Kenma was moving around.

[“What about Shouyou? Isn’t he your best friend and partner?”]

“You’re my best friend too.” In fact, Kenma was probably one of the closest of people in his life. “That way, you won’t have to live with your father and I won’t have to live with my mother. We can bring my father too.”

              Silence arose between the two of them when Kageyama had said that before Kenma spoke in a much kinder and gentle tone than before, as if he was in peace.

[“Let’s live together once you graduate, okay? Just…without any family. Just us, okay?”]

For the first time that night, Kageyama held a smile.

“You promised.”

[“Promised. Goodnight, Tobio.”] There was a bit of a laugh from Kenma before he whispered goodnight to him, Kageyama quickly saying the same.

“Goodnight, Kenma.” He spoke without using the honorific, and silence came for the last time. Kenma’s voice was indifferent as always, which gave Kageyama a satisfying feeling of being able to say his name in such a way.

[“…Y-Yeah. Night.”]


	16. 5 - Stepping Stone

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The things we wanted are the things that shall never return—  
> Such is the rule forever governing this world we live in  
> This city of Tokyo is such a suffocating place  
> I can’t even shed a tear, even in my solitude
> 
> \--The Dancing Girl of Izu--
> 
> The eighth chapter of Kenma’s story

              The date was the fourth of June, Kenma walking alone to the train station early in the morning. It wouldn’t be the first time when Kenma had attended school this early. There was no practice of the sort that morning, but merely because Kenma wanted to avoid meeting Kuroo prior to school. He only wanted to see the other male in moderation, preferably only during practice. Holding his phone tightly in his hand, he walked underneath the rising sun’s rays towards the ever busy train station.

              He passed by a park, looking over towards the swings that swayed pathetically in the summer-like breeze. A flash of memory of Kuroo and Kenma playing with a volleyball Kuroo had with him at the time came to him. Shaking it off, he kept walking towards the Nerima train station, hoping to get to school as soon as he could without meeting Kuroo.

              The train ride from the Nerima ward to the Meguro ward would take a while, he knew that much. Kenma had practically memorized the routes he needed; making sure his Suica card wasn’t left behind at home at the same time. Just out of measure, he placed his bag and the ground and rummaged through it, closing his eyes as he sighed out. He grabbed the card and shoved it into his pocket, standing up and began walking forward.

              His train of thought eventually distracted him from walking alone to the station, passing through the routine that he normally did to get onto the next train to the Meguro ward; more specifically, the station that lead to the area where the Metropolitan Nekoma High School was located.

              Boarding the train was no problem itself, seeing as there wasn’t many people on board and there was no sign of the spikey haired third year. He relaxed on the seat he sat in, leaning back softly before pulling out his PSP, booting it up to pass the half-hour it would take to get to Meguro.    

Kageyama hasn’t messaged him for a while now…what has he been up to?

[Arriving at Meguro Station, arriving at Meguro Station.]

              The time seemed to pass too fast for Kenma, hearing the robotic woman’s voice from the intercom before putting his PSP back into his backpack before heading to the entrance exit. He stood next to a few passengers, mainly salarymen only a few years older than Kenma. He thought about how it must be like to work for almost twelve hours a day, being forced to be in a workplace where time matters more than the actual work. Kenma saw the empty and tired eyes of the men in suits, the way their ties were crooked and their hair was only slick back by water from a sink. It looked as if their vim and vigor had been sucked out of them the moment they entered adult hood. It was no wonder most of them died from overwork or even suicide… Karoushi and Karoushi-jisatsu, as they called it nowadays.

Would Kenma become one of those, or would he be dead before then? Those thoughts came to mind often, and he wondered if they were right.

              He stepped out of the train and hid within the crowd as he broke that train of thought, walking towards one of the exits of the station and begun making a beeline towards the high school he attended. There were only a few, if any, students around him as he made his way to the school. Most were with a friend or just listening to their music from their phones, Kenma merely walking in silence as he tapped on his phone endlessly until he reached the gate of the school.

He froze when he saw the face of the senior libero of his volleyball club.

“Yo, Kenma!”

              Yaku ran up to the setter, Kenma flinching a bit before trying to swerve away from him, pretending he didn’t hear Yaku. Obviously, being the person he was, Yaku grabbed Kenma by the arm and kept him from walking any further.

“Hey, Kenma. What’s going on? Were you sick or something? Kuroo was getting all worried about you too.“ Yaku didn’t beat around the bush, confronting Kenma near the gate of the metropolitan school.

“….He doesn’t have a reason to, really.” Kenma murmured, keeping his eyes diverted away from the libero. He couldn’t see how Yaku frowned before sighing.

“Really now… Well, Kuroo will be here in about half an hour so just wait here and we’ll talk with him together.” Yaku crossed his arms and leaned against the stone walls, yawning a bit.

“…” Kenma frowned before slipping away from Yaku’s sight, which was a difficult feat. Before Yaku could notice Kenma had disappeared, Kenma was already on the second floor and making his way to his classroom. As always, there were only a few students in the room. Two girls who leaned against the windows as they chatted away and a boy who was asleep on his desk were all there was in the room at the moment, their names and faces being something Kenma couldn’t remember.

              Kenma sat in his seat and pressed his head against his desk, wrapping his arms around it. He felt so tired having to live like this so often. Even so, he just didn’t want to speak to the third year who was his childhood friend after the argument. He didn’t mean what he said; it was merely within the moment. Even so, he still felt terrible about it. Kuroo had been kind to him and was even the one who kept encouraging him.

Why did things turn out this way?

* * *

 

              Practice went by without any problems. Kuroo’s never wavering, cheerful tone never faltered as he encouraged and spoke with his teammates. His hand would approach Kenma for a high five, but Kenma would pretend to not to see it and divert his attention to the ball, thinking purely on what sort of toss fits who.

He was glad he was a setter at times like this, where he could just analyze and forget.

              The team spoke amongst each other as they cleaned up the gymnasium, Kenma folding the net and walking past Kuroo without a word as he placed it into the net’s cubby and walked back out.

              His eye caught Kuroo and Yaku walking out of the gymnasium after he left the storage room. His feet took him quietly to the door, watching as the two third years walked past the wire fences and into the back of the gymnasium. Frowning softly, he followed after them and listened in from the corner. His eyes stared at the ground, pressing his body against the cold steel.

“Are you sure about this?”

“Of course I’m not! Yaku, dammit it’s just…”

“Then let me take care of him for a bit. He’s obviously uncomfortable around you right now.”

“Don’t you think I know?!”

“I know that you know!”

“So let me just keep trying, Yaku! Goddammit, there’s something going on and I need to figure out what it is!”

“This is exactly why Kenma’s avoiding you, dammit. You’re being overbearing!”

“So what if I am? Kenma’s getting hurt and not to mention he freaks out when someone so much as grabs his collar.”

“And?”

“And! I need to know what’s going on-“

“It’s not for you to decide, jackass! Just lay it off for a while and let him come to you this time.”

              Kenma heard footsteps approaching where he was, shaking before hearing the word ‘run’ in his head echo. His feet took him running towards the club room faster than he thought he could, his hands on the clubroom door before taking in sharp breathes. Closing his eyes for a moment, he regulated his breathing before entering the clubroom, quietly changing into his clothes and murmuring ‘goodbyes’ to his teammates as he left in a hurry.

              His feet felt heavy as he walked towards the station, feeling as if he was walking slower than usual. It felt as if cement was poured on his body, making the world around him move faster than he could even do. Pressing a hand against his chest, he rubbed in a circle and tried to catch his breath.

“Kenma!”

              Kenma turned around, seeing Yaku run after him. He knew what Yaku wanted from him, but he feigned ignorance.

It worked.

“Hey, can we take the train home together?”

              Yaku held his grin, acting as proud and whatnot as he always would be. He carried a strong face for the people he cared for; that much Kenma knew.

He just wished Yaku wouldn’t be like that towards him.

“Why?” Kenma asked, tempted to just leave Yaku with a ‘no’ if things were going the way he thought they were.

Yaku lowered his smile before sighing, crossing his arms.

“Well, you don’t wanna be around Kuroo, right? I’ll keep you company so that he won’t have to until you want him to.”


	17. 9 - Transportation

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "Keep it a secret, okay?" "Promise me?"  
> Even with those, I'll someday be alone  
> Suddenly, a button was torn off;  
> It would always turn to night... 
> 
> \--Love to Fever—
> 
> The eighth chapter to Tobio’s story.

It hurt. It hurt. It hurt.

              Those words swirled in his mind as the world around him seemed to black out, his feet and body walking, talking and moving for him. He barely registered what was going on, his entire being going on auto-pilot and moving as if he was a puppet.

We lost. We lost. We lost.

              The imagery of Oikawa towering over him during the match, the way his team fell into despair; he remembered it all. It burnt into the back of his brain, replaying the entire match with every play just to haunt himself further and further.

I don’t want it. I don’t want it. I don’t want it.

              The image of his father fazed into view as well, the burning sensation of his mother’s hand following suite. The world around him was dissolving in nothing but terrible memories and locked up emotions. He felt a thousand hands on his entire body, invisible shivers sending throughout his body and making him feel lower than dirt and even the soil beneath the dirt.

[Arriving in Nerima, Tokyo, arriving in Nerima, Tokyo.]

              The intercom brought him back to reality for a moment.  He looked around him, being in a crowded train with people of all sorts surrounding him. His body was pressed against the pole near the entrance, his hands holding onto it instinctively to prevent him from falling.

              He took a few breathes, trying to think to himself and to calm down. His eyes darted around before the train came to a stop. Deciding that it was best to leave the train and figure out what to do from there, he slipped out of the train and began rushing to find the nearest map to read it.

              Kageyama had no idea why he blanked out in the train, not to mention why he suddenly thought of going to Tokyo. He merely just wanted to get away from Miyagi, but not like this. He was much too far and it was actually quite expensive to make the near three hour travel it took. He just didn’t know how much.

              He went to the nearest ticket vending machine, placing his student pass of PASMO into it to check his balance. He took his card out soon after he saw his balance, realizing that he used up to ¥11,170 just travelling to the Nerima station.

From Sendai Station to Omiya, then Ikebukuro to Nerima station, no less.

              Even if he wanted to, Kageyama probably couldn’t really go back until his mother or father drove all the way to Nerima or if he wanted to pay that large amount again. With a grunt, he begun making his way out of the station and onto the road, walking around with just his bag full of instant food that he shoved in as well as a volleyball, a few articles of clothing and his phone along with its’ charger.

If he was going to sleep on the streets that night, perhaps it’d be better that way.

* * *

 

              Kageyama had been walking around for nearly an hour at that point, the darkness from the sun setting in the distance beginning to settle around the world around him. His stomach growled in protest, Kageyama staring at the ground and debated on going home. He eventually reached the suburban area of Nerima rather than walking in circles like he had before, knowing that there’d be a convenience store near suburban areas so that he can at least be alright for a few days.

              Some people noticed him, pointing at his school uniform and his almost bulging bag of items. He definitely didn’t fit into the society in Nerima but he couldn’t really give much of an opinion to them. The setter just gave them all glares, mainly from fatigue, and that was enough for them to mind their own business.

              Kageyama heard some banter some distance away, looking up and noticing two figures  in the distance but thought nothing of it as the two separated from each other. One begun walking his way, Kageyama decided to keep walking in the same direction.

              He kept his head down for the moment, having none of the energy needed to make any confrontation. He already had his share in the more populated and crowded areas, he didn’t need them now. However, he was stopped in his tracks when he heard a familiar and wanted voice.

“Tobio?”

              He looked up, seeing the wide-eyed expression of Kenma. Kagyeama immediately flinched and grabbed onto his shirt, crumpling the fabric before speaking.

“Kenma… Do you live near here?”

Kenma nodded slowly, his face covered in the expression of disbelief.

“…You’re right in front of my house, actually… That’s a bit weird.”

              Kageyama blinked, turning his head and reading the plaque. It definitely read the kanji of Kenma’s family name, ‘Kozume’.

“Oh. I…uhm…”

              Kenma sighed and shook his head, brushing his hair back as the silence grew for a moment before Kenma grabbed him by the wrist.

“Let’s just go inside. I’ll ask questions after a bit.”

“Right. Yeah. Let’s do that.”

              Kageyama awkwardly followed after him, taking off his shoes with Kenma once they were inside and put the pairs of shoes aside. Kenma looked around the shoe rack and ran up to the living room, the tension that was within him letting out before he turned to Kageyama.

“Are you hungry or anything?” He asked, waiting for Kageyama to walk towards him with his hands in his pockets.

“I have instant food in my bag. We just need…hot water…”

He was an idiot. Kenma scoffed a bit as Kageyama realized that he was a bit of an idiot at that moment.

“I’ll make some hot water, just place them on the table and I’ll bring it up to my room. It’s the last room to your right…can’t miss it.”

              Kageyama nodded, placing two packets of cup noodles on the table before going off to where Kenma had told him to go.

              The smell of alcohol weak in the house, obviously covered up by air fresheners that were sprayed to get rid of multiple odors. Kageyama was sensitive to smell in a sense, deciding to pull his shirt to his nose until he made it to Kenma’s room.

              It was a lot smaller than he imagined, the room he had back in Miyagi being nearly twice the size of the room Kenma had to live in for the most part. He looked at how cramped the room was, the desk near the bed and the closet being built into the wall rather than being a wardrobe.

“…”

              He sat down on the floor, placing his bag next to him as he waited for Kenma to return. He began nodding off, however, leaning against Kenma’s bed before closing his eyes.

              Kageyama woke up to the smell of cup noodles after a while, Kenma’s hands shaking him awake.

“Hey. I made us food.”

              He motioned to the cup noodles on the floor, each with flat, wooden chopsticks found in convenience stores. Kenma moved to sit across from Kageyama, eating without giving thanks as one would normally do at a meal. Kageyama blinked, rubbing his eyes before murmuring thanks for the food, grabbing the cup and noodles before eating them hot.

“…You know, sometimes I’d think a sport junkie like you would hate this kind of stuff.”

              Kenma spoke in between slurp of noodles, chewing slowly before swallowing his noodles.

“I got used to it, since the most of a meal I’ve had were my father’s breakfasts… They were Western-type of breakfasts.”

“….Huh.”

              They made small talk like that as they ate their noodles, eventually finishing them off and throwing them into trash can in Kenma’s room. Kageyama noticed it was covered in red tissues and other strange trash until Kenma put it aside, looking towards Kageyama.

“…Tobio, why are you here?"


	18. Tears That Fall

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It’s said that the talent to be loved by everyone in the world  
> is something you’re naturally born with.  
> In that case, the kind of trash that doesn’t even get picked  
> should just be thrown away without further ado.
> 
> -White Happy by MARETU-

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> From here on forth, the two will share a chapter rather than having split ones. This is due to them finally uniting within the story.

It happened within a flash, and neither of them could understand what had happened to the other.

              Kenma’s violent coughs echoed into the room, with Tobio’s body curled into a ball within the closet that barely fit the tall setter. The sounds of footsteps stomping onto flesh and bone subsided with the sound of spit hitting said flesh following soon after silence came.

“Useless piece of shit, how many times do I have to do this?”

              A gruff man’s voice scoffed before the door closed, but not before hitting Kenma’s head once or twice before closing completely. Weak with pain, the young half-blond setter rose up and sat against his bed. Not a word was said, not a motion done either.

              Even if he could not move his limbs, he could move his eyes. Kenma stared at the door for a moment; his ears working as well as he attempted to listen on whether or not the monster within the home had calmed down or left.

He gauged that the monster started drinking, hearing soft clinks of glass together.

              Kenma moved his head slowly, feeling a pair of blue eyes staring at him in the darkness. Rather than feeling fear, he merely felt the numbness of his heart and his mind opening his cut lips.

“You can come out now.”

              The gentle creak of the closet revealed Karasuno’s first year setter, the boy frozen in fear as he stared down at Kenma. Kneeling, Kenma felt the rough yet gentle hands of Kageyama trying to hold together the little consciousness he had within his body.

“Are..you okay?”

A stupid question.

“Yeah.

A stupid answer.

              Kenma managed to move a bit, the pain soon subsiding as bits of energy started sparking through his fingertips like lightning. Whether or not it hurt was not of any concern to him, grabbing leftover bandaids and ointments.

              Kageyama sat next to him, a frown on his face before he reached for the first aid items. Before Kenma would say anything, the young boy started treating Kenma’s wounds.

“…”

              Kenma said nothing, grimacing every now and then when Kageyama was too rough. The two of them were quiet, unsure of what to say to the other.

What was there to say? That Kenma was abused? That Kageyama saw that side of his life?

“…Fathers are bad people, aren’t they?”

              There was a sad tone within Kageyama’s voice, as if he never wanted to speak such words in succession. Kenma noticed, watching the way Kageyama’s eyes lose the luster it had just a moment ago.  With a tilt of a his head, Kenma responded to his rhetorical question with no remorse.

“The worst kind of people.”

“And mothers?”

              Kageyama continued without looking up, pulling his hands away and letting the bandage hit the floor as he placed his hands onto the floor, touching the ground as if trying to find solace in them.

“…”

              Kenma was unsure how to say that. Had he even had remembered his mother’s face and love, perhaps it would be easier to answer.

“Ken-“

“Tobio. Let me ask again. Why are you here?”

              His tone was rough, and it definitely made the setter flinch. Kenma noticed, but he was running on fumes as it were at the moment. Kageyama couldn’t realize that, however, the boy turning away and looking at the wall rather than in front towards Kenma.

“…Am I not welcomed?”

Kenma swallowed the lump in his throat.

“…More than welcome.”

              A soft sigh of relief escaped from the atmosphere, allowing Kageyama to relax and have Kenma see a visible difference in tension.

“…Let me check your ribs for injuries, I’ll try and bandage them.”

              Kenma forgot to question why Kageyama was doing all this for him, but if he did, then he wouldn’t want to ask it in the first place. Taking off his shirt, he approached Kageyama and let the young setter examine them.

“…”

              With flinches and soft whines of pain, bandages were hastily placed around Kenma’s body as a safety measure. Nothing was broken, but bruises and cuts were a plenty. Once Kenma redressed with his shirt, they both sat quietly on the floor.

“Your lip…” Kageyama reached out to Kenma’s face, rubbing his lip and having only a small portion of blood on his finger. Wiping it with a tissue laying around on the floor, he soon leaned in closer before leaning back. Kenma merely just watched, almost curious about the out-of-place behaviour.

“What is it?”

“It’s cut.”

“No, I meant…” Kenma sighed, placing a hand on his head and scratching the back of it. It hurt to move, but it was nothing compared to his chest. Placing his hand down, he looked into Kageyama’s eyes.

A difficult feat.

“Why did you run away, Tobio?”

              A gentle tone, unlike his usual voice, was embedding in Kenma’s voice as he watched Kageyama. The young setter froze in place, unable to look away. Amber meshed with blue, the two of them sitting in silence.

“..Ah.”

              Tears streamed down like rivers on Kageyama’s face, his expression unchanging despite the tears. Kenma pulled his hand back, with Kageyama tilting in confusion before he touched his own face.

“…”

              The setter quickly tried to wipe his eyes with his sleeve, but tears kept continuing and continuing to fall. Kenma was unsure how to comfort him, panicking slightly until Kageyama had calmed down; his tears had stopped flowing but there was a hint of pain in his voice.

“…I don’t know.” Was Kageyama’s answer. Kenma waited, and Kageyama continued.

“My father and mother… I don’t know if I could live with them for another second.”

“..You and me both.” Kenma murmured, resting his head in his hands. “You and me both.”

“…Why do you stay?”

              An innocent question to a difficult situation. Very much like Kageyama, at least that’s what Kenma thought at the moment.

“…It’s my prison, I guess. I don’t really know why I’m still here.”

              It was his tomb, as some would say. His eternal slumber by his father’s hand would be the one thing he would accept from the monster that people assume to be Kenma’s father.

“…What if we left, Tobio? Just…went out and died. No one would care.”

              Kenma murmured those words, fatigue causing suicide to creep back towards his thoughts. Kageyama looked back at him and looked down, speaking in an equally fatigued tone.

“…I don’t want to die.”

“…”

The two of them remained silent, pondering over the other’s words as if they were riddles.

“…Kenma, would you tell me to die?”

              The question made Kenma freeze for just a moment, his heart dropping to his stomach as he heard those words. His tongue was stuck in his throat, unable to say anything or even look at Kageyama.

“…If you don’t want me to die, then you don’t want to die either.”

              As much as Kenma wanted to argue with Kageyama, the young setter was right. Kenma never really wanted to take his own life; to take Kageyama with him just because of their similar situation was just…

Not what Kenma wanted.

“…I care about you.”

              It felt as if Kageyama strangled him, the half-blond grinding his teeth together as he heard those words. They weren’t hollow platitudes; they weren’t with Kuroo’s voice.

It was from someone who knew so little yet so much about Kenma.

“…Can you say something?”

              Irritation, he could hear it. Not of malice, but of fear and worried emotions. It was merely who Kageyama was; quick to emotions but thoughtful in his own way.

“…Thanks.”

Kenma murmured, resting his head back against his bed.

“Guess we’re both stuck in this, huh?”

“…Mhm.”

              Unable to trust neither the legal system nor the police for help, what could they do? Run away? Kill themselves? Keep quiet and let them do as they please? There was no good option, only that of lesser evils and greater evils.

“What should we do?”

“…We could just run away, I guess.”

“…From all this?” Kageyama asked, tilting his head. “But…would we be okay?”

“Yeah, we should be okay.” Kenma murmured. “Worst case scenario, we die together.”

“I want to survive.”

“Just a joke.”

              Before the two of them could show a smile as the atmosphere lightened, the door swung open with the monster standing before them.

Silence was not present as the monster Kenma called ‘father’ had begun dragging them outside of the solitary room.


	19. Escapism pt.1

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I want to get away. I can’t escape.  
> I want to disappear. I can’t disappear.  
> I don’t want to disappear
> 
>  
> 
> -Heart Nonsense by Kairiki Bear-
> 
> ...It's ending soon.

 

“Kenma.”

The metallic voice spoke, hidden behind a filter of kindness.

“We talked about this; no friends after dark.”

              Kenma was all too familiar with this tone; the tone that said that Kenma would be punished severely for this small mistake. Kageyama sat beside the boy, looking back and forth between father and son nervously.

“H…We…” Kenma struggled to find a lie, feeling the pressure of both his father and having Kageyama see this part of his family weighing down on him. “We were just…planning on something for the team.”

Kageyama, who was never great at lying, got the hint. To protect Kenma, he would have to do what he despised adults for.

“Ke-Kozume-san is my senpai on the team. We were making a strategy to use for an upcoming match for our team to use if I were to be put in the practice match.”

              Kageyama was as calm as ever, which in turn helped Kenma find his composure a little. Kenma merely nodded as Kageyama talked, his father’s expression never changing behind the sagging skin.

“I see, but he will have to go home now.” There was a slight twitch in the man’s finger. “His family must not want him out so late like this. It’s a school night after all.”

“His family is out of town.” Kenma replied almost too quickly, knowing that he can’t send Kageyama back home, especially if his suspicions were right. “And it’d be nice if he wasn’t alone, and he can help me get up for school with Kuro if need be.”

              Kenma gritted his teeth behind his lips, knowing that it was a half-assed lie that he knew wouldn’t fly with his father. Kageyama balled his fists as he waited for the man’s response, but only silence came.

It got too much.

              “Sir.” Kageyama spoke up, looking him straight in the eyes. “It’ll only be for tonight. Tomorrow, I will return home.”

“Tobio-“ Kenma whispered but was then interrupted by his father.

“Well then, I suppose we could keep him here for tonight.” The man sighed, standing up. “Help yourselves to some rice and milk, I’m going to head to bed for the night.”

              He passed by Kenma, ruffling his head with a pretending smile before he leaned down quickly to whisper something in Kenma’s ear. Whatever it was, it was too quick for Kageyama to see but enough to make Kenma look as if the end of the world were about to rain down on him.

Once the slam of the door echoed, Kenma put his face in his hands and started to feel his chest collapse.

              “Kenma?” Kageyama didn’t know what to do; it wasn’t at all natural to see Kenma go through a silent meltdown. The setter seemed to always be so calm and collected, but whatever the man said must’ve made Kenma so…

Afraid.

              Minutes of silent shivers and worried words being lost within Kageyama’s throat passed without time making itself clear; Kenma mumbling to himself in fear.

Resolve couldn’t be stronger for the genius setter at that moment when he said…

“Let’s go somewhere else. Anywhere but here.”

\--

              Double checking and triple checking, Kenma’s dismay of leaving behind what he couldn’t bring came about. Of course he couldn’t bring everything with him, but he wish he could. With spare clothes, money he saved up until now, some of his games and portables and necessities, they were ready to go. At the very least, he was more prepared than Kageyama was.

              Kageyama started stuffing the remaining space in his bag with food, containers of cooked rice and filling every bottle he could find with water from the sink. He had no time to be lost in thought; they were leaving to a place no one could find them and no one could hurt them anymore.

Even so, Kenma and Kageyama’s resolve was still weak.

              Kenma stared at his phone, thinking about Kuro and how he would react to see Kenma disappear from his life. In the end, it didn’t matter; their fight together was unsolved and Kenma felt distant from everyone he considered a friend aside from Kageyama at that moment. It was for the best; he could use a new name and try to forget the past.

“Kenma, I’m done.” Kageyama whispered with urgency, holding onto two bags worth of supplies with him. Kenma was silent before standing up, gripping his own bags before nodding his head.

“Let’s go to the station.” Kenma whispered back, shoving a necklace and photo into the remaining space of his bag.

* * *

 

They were really doing this.

              The duo walked together in silence, pretending they were travelling to fool the world of their true intent. The money they had left would be used to help them survive until they were adults; leaving their school life behind and friends they made since then.

It was their only option in a corrupted world.

              Kenma’s breath was short, paranoia filling his lungs as peace tried to swell down his anxiety. Kageyama gripped Kenma’s hand every time he felt resistance against freedom, forcing the both of them to continue. Kageyama knew in Kenma’s mind that death would be easier; it would all end within the matter of minutes and they would be free. Even so, despite it all, the boy wanted nothing more than a normal life.

A life where fear of adults could be drowned out.

              The two walked in solitude until they were surrounded by people, their faces blank as the ground they walked on. Looks came their way, but only for a brief second before those people went on with their lives; none of them cared for others enough to barge into their personal life.

“Ooh, Kenma-kun?”

              The blond froze, refusing to turn his head. Kageyama, knowing none the wiser, turned his head to meet an elderly old man who looked as healthy as a fresh vegetable. His face was barely recognizable to him, but Kenma knew exactly who that voice belonged to.

“Going somewhere? You didn’t mention any kind of vacation.”

“…S-Sorry, I forgot.” Kenma mumbled, unable to look at his coach in the eyes when he finally turned around.

              Coach Nekomata frowned at Kenma’s tone of voice, his watchful eyes looking at both Kenma and Kageyama closely before smiling like a grandfather to his grandchildren.

“It’s much too late for children like you to be out. Come, let’s return to my home. There must be a reason for you two to be running from home, is there?”

As expected, nothing escapes the wisdom of Nekoma’s coach.


	20. Escapism pt.2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I want you to notice the lie that got stuck in my throat, the one that said “Please don’t treat me so nicely”  
> I’m trying so hard my voice is straining  
> In order to not forget my own name while singing, “Please don’t treat me so nicely”  
> However, if I don’t wait, tomorrow will be the same; let’s go toward where love sings  
> Once again, let’s throw away the baggage weighing us down and go toward where love sings
> 
>  
> 
> \--My Name Is Love Song by Neru—

              The two setters sat within the old man’s home, Nekomata handing them a bowl of rice crackers as they sat at the low end table. The atmosphere was awkward and thick, but Nekomata didn’t seem to really pay attention.

“Take some to eat. Young children need to have snacks once in a while.” He huffs in his nasally voice, urging the younger generation in front of him to eat.

              The hesitation they had was more or less understandable due to their situation, and the old man definitely knew there was something wrong. Especially with Kenma, whom he seen flinch and hide his skin more times than he can count. As for Kageyama, he didn’t know much about him. If they were together, then there was something between them that he had to understand to at least know their situation.

Maybe to even help them.

“So, why the bags?” The coach asked, and the both of them stopped mid-bite within a cracker. Silent crunching filled the air until Kageyama spoke up, giving a horrible lie to him.

“We were going to go see the mountains.”

“…Ho ho, is that so?” Nekomata smiled, but then immediately frowned afterwards.

“It’s not polite to lie to your elders.” He scolded them, but only with a playful tone. “Now, tell me your troubles. You both must be running away from home, especially this one.” He raises his cup and points it towards Kageyama, who froze and balled his fists.

“…Coach, it’s nothing like that. We’re just-“

“Kenma.”

The stern interruption made his blood run cold.

“You’ve been abused, haven’t you?”

              Tension rode Kenma’s anxiety like a rollercoaster, feeling everything drop to his stomach. The inside version of himself broke down into a thousand pieces, breaking out into a meltdown that only he can hear. Biting back what emotions ran wild inside him, Kenma spoke softly whilst avoiding the eyes that stared at him.

“…..No.”

              Nekomata merely looked onto Kenma with a sorrowful expression before looking towards Kageyama.

“How about you, son?” Kageyama flinched. “Is your situation the same as his?”

“….” Kageyama was horrible at lying, but he was good under pressure. Even so, he couldn’t lie in this situation; he was conditioned not to after all.

“…Yes, sir.”

“Tobio…” Kenma whispers, shooting him a glance that could make even the deserts become icy cold. Kageyama ignored it as best as he could, looking at Nekomata only.

“…I thought so.” The elderly man sighed, closing his eyes before looking at the two of them with sympathy. “Kenma-kun, wipe off the foundation off your skin and show it to the police.”

“C-Coach?” Kenma was taken aback, but the coach continued.

“Tell them everything, and you should too as well.” He pointed back to Kageyama. “I’ll drive you two to the police, but you have to talk-“

“I can’t.” Kenma interrupted, darkness covering his face. Nekomata didn’t scold him for interrupting, merely waiting for Kenma to continue.

“…Dad is a prosecutor. He has connections, he…he’ll convince everyone that I’m lying.”

“…Hmm… Well, you’re proof of what he’s been doing at home, aren’t you?” Nekomata muses, crossing his arms as he watched the two boys carefully. “Have faith in the system, be honest.”

“…”

              Silence filled the room, and Kenma was thinking it through. He didn’t know if he could trust what Nekomata was saying; but he had no reason to distrust the elderly man. Kageyama had the same idea, only he knew very little of the old man in front of him. Even so, the man radiated a sort of aura as if he was trustworthy and truly honest in his words.

“I’ll shelter you two in the meantime. Let’s just head onto the police station, okay? As for you…” He looks over to Kageyama with a soft smile. “We’ll get you back to the prefecture you came from.”

* * *

              The roar of the courtroom shouted out when the verdict was given, and Kenma felt like he could just die where he stood on the witness stand at that moment. The tension of the air weighed on him like an anvil from a western cartoonist, ready to crush his weak body within an instant. With what was given, he felt like not a lawyer nor can a prosecutor punish the man who sat in the accused seat properly.

“That child is in high school, isn’t he?”

“I feel sorry for that man, raising a child on his own.”

“How sad that his own child went against him, right? It’s just too cruel, and the kid barely seemed to convince me.”

              Those words stung Kenma as he walked passed people once the trial was over, hiding from their gazes by hiding behind a hood stained black. He knew that others wouldn’t see his point of view; people pitied the single father who works hard to raise a child than the child who claimed he was being hurt.

What a cruel, cruel world.

* * *

              A failure the world was, two adults being convicted and sent to a prison for less than what was deserved. A man who dared touch his child like a prostitute and a woman who scratched her pampered claws onto her poor son; both should just die in hell, not be free with parole merely a year after freedom.

“There’s no proof except for that kid’s testimony.”

“I heard that he’s one of _those_ kinds of children.”

“Isn’t that the genius setter from Kitagawa Daiichi? I doubt he’ll get a good name if he keeps going into sports at this rate…”

              Kageyama did his best to ignore the public stares he got after such a trial, but it worsened at school. Hearing how he was unclean in their eyes and how his teammates approached him with caution as if he was a ticking timebomb; he just wanted it to be back to how it used to be.

What a pitiful, pitiful world.

* * *

**[from; Tobio]  
[Good morning.]**

_[from;Kenma]  
[good morning]_

**[from; Tobio]  
[Today is your graduation, right?]**

_[from;Kenma]  
[yeah]_

**[from; Tobio]  
[Just one more year for me.]**

_[from;Kenma]_  
[yeah]  
[one more year]

**[from; Tobio]  
[Kenma.]**

_[from;Kenma]  
[hey, what did you want?]_

_[from;Kenma]  
[tobio???]_

_[from;Kenma]  
[hey, dont just disappear]_

**[from; Tobio]  
[I don’t want to see them again, but they will come back soon, won’t they? Everyone keeps saying it’s my fault, but I didn’t do anything to them. I didn’t want them to be like that, I didn’t ask for any of this. Everyone at training camps look at me and I can’t tell what they’re thinking. Even now, everyone looks at me like I’m weak. I hate it. I hate it so much, I just want to play volleyball and forget everything else.]**

_[from;Kenma]  
[…yeah. i get that feeling too]_

_[from;Kenma]  
[he’s leaving soon too and coming back to this reality]_

_[from;Kenma]  
[if you ask me, this is just bullshit]_

_[from;Kenma]  
[do you think we could’ve been normal kids]_

_[from;Kenma]  
[because honestly, i want nothing more than for my piece of shit dad to just die]_

_[from;Kenma]  
[we should’ve jumped when we had the chance]_

**[from; Tobio]  
[Kenma, I don’t want to die. But I want to now.]**

_[from;Kenma]  
[we made it this far, let’s just keep going for now.]_

_[from;Kenma]  
[i’ll be with you soon, just wait for me]_

* * *

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And so, it ends.
> 
> Thank you all for reading it for this far. Apologies if the ending is not as expected, but this is what I decided.
> 
> Please continue to support me in the following years.


End file.
